One of the ways I waste my time on the internet is by reading blogs. I read my SIL's blog, and my client's blog, and numerous other blogs. One of my favorite topics on blogs is weight loss. It's helpful to know that I'm not the only person who's struggling, plus it's great to see what's working for others and get motivation and ideas. I love it. However, there's one blog post I read recently that irked me.
This girl talked about how she can't find a guy because she's overweight, she can't wear pretty clothes because she's overweight, and she was overall down on herself. One, I can tell you from the pictures she's posted that she may have been slightly overweight, but she looks quite healthy. Two, she also comments that she's lost 23 pounds since August, and based on her starting weight that does not seem very idealistic for long-term weight loss.
What irked me, is that she blamed her weight for all the problems in her life. If she had blamed her health issues on her weight, I would have been understanding. If she had said that her weight made her self-conscious and therefore she didn't feel comfortable wearing pretty clothes or going after guys, I totally would have gotten it. However, she said that guys didn't want her because she was overweight and she couldn't wear pretty clothes because she was overweight. I just don't buy it.
Here's the thing. I know how I was at my heaviest. I believed that no guy could want me because of how I looked...yet that's when I met Hans. I also noticed that as I lost weight, I got more attention from guys. However, I can guarantee you it's not because I looked different. My whole attitude was different. I felt better about myself and I would flirt...quite unabashedly. Guys who wouldn't have noticed me before still didn't notice me...until I started chatting. I wouldn't hesitate to strike up a conversation with a waiter or with a coworker. One could argue that losing weight changed me, and that's true, but it didn't change the guys.
As for the clothes thing, it is harder to buy pretty clothes when you're heavier. I remember finding the largest size available and sucking in my gut just so I could avoid having to move into the "big girl store" which was more expensive. Those clothes were always too tight and quite uncomfortable, and they never looked that great. Their not looking great wasn't so much because of MY size, but because of THEIR size. I wasn't wearing the right size, and so I ended up looking like a sausage.
I think what bothered me most about this post was how much support this girl received. I expected to read things like, "Why can't you do this? You're awesome as you are!" Especially after the Marie Claire hubbub I expected a strong reaction of "You are beautiful! Don't let anyone tell you what you can and can't do!" Instead, I read reactions of, "So true! I can't find a guy either!" or "Yeah, I hate having to cover myself up too." There were three (THREE!) people who said, "Don't let your weight hold you back" and those three people were utterly refuted. WTF?!
If an anorexic woman states she's disgusted by large people and thinks they should cover up then she's immediately considered a villain and is drawn and quartered. Everyone will rise up and state how wrong she is, and how proud they are to be them. However, if a somewhat larger lady (not obese, just not as fit) says she's disgusted by weight and needs to cover up and can't find a guy then she's revered for being true and honest and wonderful. Am I missing something here? If I am, please tell me.
Can we only say we're upset by weight if it's our own? Where do we draw the line on that? Does your BMI have to be at a certain level for you to complain about your weight or could someone with a BMI of 24 (technically considered normal, but on the upper edge) say they feel large and gross and unable to do all the things "normal" girls could (like shop)?
Plus, if it's weight that's keeping larger girls from getting married or buying cute clothes that look good on them (like fancy underwear), how do we respond to the girls who are doing this everyday? Did God look down on them and decide to grant them some sort of miracle despite their weight? Did they instead make a pact with Satan? Are they some sort of anomaly...a freak of nature? Or, are they perhaps just slightly more comfortable with who they are on the inside and are therefore able to let that shine through to the outside?
Lastly, whatever happened to losing weight so YOU feel pretty? What kind of message are we sending out? "I'm not really concerned about the weight. I just want to look cute...oh and find a man!" Somewhere along the line we seriously need to adjust our priorities.