Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Finding My Balance

I know I've talked about not being able to run a lot lately, but it's really had an effect.  There are things I've really come to realize about running.

-Running makes me happy.  It puts me in a good mood for the rest of the day.

-No matter how cold the temperature is, if I get a good run in I feel somewhat warmer. (Granted this is only in VA temperatures.  I have no idea how I'd be in negative weather).

-Running curbs my appetite.  I'm not nearly as hungry throughout the day when I run, and the food I do crave is healthier food.

So, all these things make not running extremely difficult.  Combine that with the fact that my inability to run started around the Christmas holidays, and I was set up for disaster.  It started with just a few small chocolates.  What could that hurt?  There were only a few of them.  I'd be fine.  But then I was given a few more small chocolates.  And then a few cookies.  And then it was cold, so I wanted hot chocolate.  And then it was my dad's birthday, and he had fudge he couldn't eat, so he gave it to me.  And then it was my mom's birthday, and all she wanted was cheesecake, and who can say no to that?  So, to put things plainly, I was in bad shape. 

Once I started eating poorly, I couldn't stop.  I just couldn't seem to break the habit I had started.  There were cravings, and I was legitimately hungry.  I would plan out what I was going to eat, but I'd often go and grab a snack (and not a healthy one) simply because I wanted something to munch on.  Once, on an hour long car trip with Hans, we stopped for a restroom break and I ended up buying Cheez-Its and Twizzlers because I just wanted something.  I felt tired and sore.  I couldn't seem to get enough sleep, and I was always cranky and in a bit of a fog.

Finally, though, I feel like something has finally snapped.  I went to bed on Sunday night, sore and tired even though I hadn't done much.  I'd gone to a Chinese buffet for dinner and had Mexican for lunch, and I felt gross.  I could smell the salt seeping from my pores, and I started to hate myself for just a moment.  I knew something had to change immediately.

I knew I didn't have anything that I could have for lunch in the house, so I started to figure out what I could have.  Nothing from a restaurant.  I'd go to the grocery store.  Even a frozen meal is better than take out.  I even decided to get a few snack bars and fruit to munch on in case of hunger.  I knew it wouldn't be the healthiest decision, but it was worlds better than what I'd been doing recently.

Already, less that 48 hours later, I feel better.  I slept better last night and woke up easier this morning.  Yesterday was hard, though.  I felt tired and achy, and by the time I ate dinner I had such a raging headache I thought I might be sick.  Today, though, while I'm still hungry, I don't feel the urge to go buy something.  I'm just excited about lunch.  I'm able to move better and faster, and I don't feel so gross.

I'm hoping I can continue on this trend.  I hope that I don't backslide this weekend.  I hope that I can make it to the grocery store to pick up some supplies to have on hand.  I also hope that I can continue making it to the gym.  Swimming may not be the same as running, but it's better than nothing (and the sauna afterward is wonderful).  Here's to hoping!

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