Tuesday, May 24, 2011

What Happened?

Four years ago, things were different.  I was different.  I was graduating from college, planning a wedding, and living life a lot differently that I am now.  I was working out every morning, I was fixing healthy, tasty meals every day, and I was a clean freak!  My time was well-managed, and while I was a bit stressed out, I was working hard and doing well.

In the winter, I remember coming home, tracking dirt and rocks and salt all over the floor.  I'd take off my shoes, set my books down, take out the broom, sweep everything up, and Swiffer for good measure.  Then, just because I'd gotten started, I'd head to the bathroom (where the litter box was).  I'd shake out the carpet, sweep and Swiffer, and wipe down the counter tops and tub.  After that, I'd go make dinner.  The norm was some sort of pasta, my favorite being baked chicken with sauteed mushrooms and onions on a bed of whole grain pasta (soooo tasty).  After eating, cleaning up the kitchen and putting food away, I'd get to homework.  I'd finish up homework, read a bit, and go to bed.  This was all done after a morning of working out, a day of classes, an early evening of piano and voice practice, and sometimes even another quick workout that evening (just to de-stress).  In the morning, I'd start all over.  I can't say I was happy...I wasn't, but I was organized, and that was good. 

Now, though, I don't know what's happened.  Have I re-focused my energies?  Have I just become lazy?  Am I overwhelmed far more than I realize?  All I know is that cleaning and working out are no longer fun or relaxing.  They feel more like chores.  I have my theories as to why:

-I'm super stressed and need a major break.  Stressed over money and work and life in general.
-I'm happier than I was in college, so I don't feel the need to clean.
-I'm not just cleaning up after myself but also after Hans and get frustrated over having to clean things I didn't   dirty.
-I'm working harder and longer hours, and frankly I'm tired.
-Hans is so kind and hard working, I know he'll pick up the slack.

Really it's probably a combination of all of those.  And I DO NOT like it.  And here's why those excuses stink:

-Needing to clean and live a healthy life is another one of those stresses.  If I accomplished those goals I wouldn't be so stressed.
-Being happier should equal being more depressed.
-Actually, being ticked off over cleaning up after Hans is kind of valid.  The problem, though, is that I'm creating plenty of mess myself.
-I'd be a lot less tired if I came home to a clean environment, ate better, and worked out.
-Hans will pick up slack, but that's not fair.  He works hard too!

Basically, I'm not exactly sure what to do.  How do I get more motivated?  What do I have to do to return back to that healthy / clean / organized mode?  Do I need a buddy?  Do I need to find hired help for added motivation?  Do I need a nice, long vacation?  Do I need a roommate I'm trying to impress?  If anyone has any ideas, I'd love to hear them!

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