I don't think it's been any secret that I've been abnormally stressed lately. I've been tired and busy and worrying about so much. Things happening with the business and Hans' family have left me completely drained, and half the time I don't know whether I should laugh, cry, or simply suck it up and work harder. It's exhausting AND confusing.
Usually during these times I turn to running, but lately running hasn't been working for me either. I'm either stressed about when to fit a run in, or I'll have a terrible run that has me questioning my ability to run at all. Tuesday was one of those terrible runs.
I was hoping to go 6-8 miles, but I was tired and sore. My legs hurt, and I just didn't want to pick up my feet. It was a horrible run, and in the end I'd only done 4 miles...barely. I did do some yoga when I got home, but I was still tired. I figured I'd play Wednesday by ear, but I knew almost immediately that a run wasn't going to happen. I was even more sore than I was Tuesday (probably because of the bad run and the yoga), and I just wasn't feeling it. So, I planned to just do my usual run today, Thursday. I made arrangements to meet up with my running buddy. We would only do 4 miles, and I knew I could handle that, so I wasn't too worried. Still, one of my legs was still sore, and I was worried I'd peter out quickly.
Thank goodness I went!
This run, while not my best ever, was certainly better than others I've had recently. It was a little faster, my aches and pains went away once I'd properly warmed up, and I felt so relaxed afterwards. Sure, the last half mile was awful. Sure I had points where I wanted to walk (although I didn't thanks to my buddy). Sure, afterwards I was a sweaty, sweaty mess. Still, though, I did it! I came home, did some yoga to stretch out a little, and went in to work, and I felt good. In the aftermath, I thought about a few things:
1) I'm capable of so much more than I give myself credit for. When I'm feeling weak or tired, I can generally pull something out to keep me going.
2) I'm capable of a lot, but I do have limits. Just because 6 months ago I could easily run 13.1 miles doesn't mean I can anymore. Maybe I need to look at things as though I'm starting from scratch. Instead of planning 8 mile runs, maybe I should just shoot for the 4 milers. They're a lot more manageable right now.
3) Friends help. After the first mile or two, my running buddy and I don't talk much. We're starting to get tired and we're out of breath. Still, having her there helps. I'm less willing to walk, because I don't want to make her walk, and it's helpful knowing I have someone else there should something happen. Plus, well, misery loves company. :P
Anyway, while today certainly has not been stress-free, I'm much better than I was. I hope I can carry this feeling for a few days, and, if not, I hope I can squeeze in another (good) run.