Sunday, June 17, 2012

A Good Day

I feel like yesterday's post needs a bit more explanation.  As I wrote the post, I was feeling down on myself.  I was mad that I hadn't really chatted with anyone.  I felt left out of something that made me feel so happy.  I felt like there were clubs out there I just couldn't join.  The worst part was I knew that I was the only one making me feel that way.  I knew that if I'd only gone up to chat with someone I would have been welcome.  No one would have sneered at me or ignored me or laughed at me.  So why did I fear that they would?  Why was I so hesitant to go meet people?  Why didn't I want to be social like I had in past weeks?

This could be attributed to a few things.  First I was simply tired.  There has been a lot going on the past few weeks, and I was drained both physically and mentally.  I was feeling overwhelmed by even small groups of people, so being around 100+ people was just too much.  I just wanted to go home, curl up in a chair, and read (and in fact, this is what I did).  Secondly, I wanted my alone run.  Running is my meditation.  I've posted before how much I love the time to just focus on me.  I can focus on my breathing and the sound of my feet.  I can push myself a little harder or back off a bit based on what my body is telling me.  This past week, in my effort to meet more runners, I ran a couple of weekday runs with someone else.  Basically, my last alone run was last Tuesday.  I wanted, nay needed, to have my meditation run.  I needed to have my alone time, my me time.

Yesterday's run left me wholly unsatisfied.  I was OK with my pace and time, but it could have been better.  I was frustrated that I hadn't been able to have my me time.  I wanted to run some more.  Yesterday, I was extremely close to throwing on my running clothes a second time and going out for another run.  I napped and then had dinner with the neighbors instead (also pleasant activities).

This morning was a cross-training day.  Hans and I usually meet a trainer at the park on Sundays, and today the plan was no different.  What was different, however, was how much I wanted to run.  I didn't want to drive there when it was only 4.25 miles away.   I wanted to RUN!  Actually, I really wanted to run with Cody, but since he's suffering from an ear infection that was not a possibility (he's getting better, though).  So, after feeding the dogs and having a little food, I threw on my running clothes, kissed Hans goodbye, and went off.  It was a beautiful morning for it.  The air was cool, the sun was bright, and there was just enough of a breeze in the air to make you feel good.  I ran 4.25 miles to my work-out.  Then I proceeded to have my a** handed to me by a masochistic trainer (I'm still having trouble lifting my arms over my head).  Hans drove me home (no way did I have enough energy to run back), I showered and I went to church.

The rest of the day went wonderfully.  The good mood from my fantastic run carried me through the rest of the day.  I chatted with other girls on the training team (not my group, but in the same program), I was less irritated my others' minor infractions, and I found a lot of things more humorous than I usually would have.  I was eager and willing to meet new people, and I was happy.

After church, Hans, Dad, and I headed to the race track for Fathers' Day.  It's something I haven't done since I was a little kid, and there were parts that were nerve-wracking.  The crowds were huge and a bit overwhelming, but I found I wasn't overwhelmed.  I didn't cling to Hans or Dad, and I didn't have any fears of being separated.  I only got marginally upset when the horses I picked didn't win (I like to win), and I enjoyed a lovely day with my Dad (the World's Greatest) and my husband (future World's Greatest Dad).  We rounded out the day with some tasty ice cream, and I was happy and content.

I think I'm starting to learn there are different sides to running.  Sometimes I need running to be social.  I need it to be a way to meet others and interact.  Other times, though, I need running to be meditative.  I need to take time to breathe and focus on me.  I love the fact it can do both.  Maybe soon I'll learn to understand what I need before I need it rather than after.  Oh well!  At least I'm happy today!

My dad and me...smiling and happy even though our horse just lost.

No comments:

Post a Comment