As I prepared for the birth of my first child, I discovered that there were really two main schools of thought regarding breastfeeding. The first stated that breastfeeding was a beautiful and natural thing. As with many things in childbirth, its motto was "Trust your body. Trust your baby." The second stressed just how difficult breastfeeding would be. It taught proper positioning and techniques. I fell firmly into the first camp.
Growing up, all I heard from my own mother was how easy breastfeeding was. She said she never had any trouble, and she loved every moment of it. In fact, when other women discussed the troubles they'd had with breastfeeding, she'd often tell me she just didn't understand. How could anyone have any trouble with something so natural? I didn't have any reason to not believe her, so I felt the same way.
Before I go any further, let me say that breastfeeding is beautiful and wonderful and amazing and completely natural...sometimes. Here's the thing, I do, in fact, love breastfeeding Anna. I love how content she is. I love that I'm able to provide her a comfort that no one else can. I love the time alone we get to spend because of it. I love a lot about breastfeeding. However, it is in no way, shape, or form easy. At least not for me.
Getting Anna to breastfeed in the first place was pure hell. Let me paint you a picture. Imagine being in a hospital, on the world's most uncomfortable bed (seriously, the floor was better), with a newborn who came 2 weeks and 1 day early, accompanied by at least one nurse who is just trying to help but who is actually stressing you out beyond belief, trying to get said newborn to latch onto a breast that really isn't ready. It doesn't help that Anna's birth was extremely traumatic for her. Nor does it help that we didn't have the bonding time in the beginning that I was so looking forward to (NICU had to check her out first). And then, each new nurse had a different bit of advice and much of that advice clashed with what we'd learned in breastfeeding class. It was so frustrating!
Honestly, the first day wasn't a huge concern. I was pretty drugged up, and Anna was tired from birth, so neither one of us really realized there was an issue. Plus, both the lactation consultant and the nurse said it could easily take 24 hours or so. When 24 hours passed, though, and Anna was still having a lot of trouble, I started to get a little stressed. She was getting cranky because she was hungry, I still wasn't producing much, and Anna was dropping weight...fast. Then came the first really stressful night.
Anna was fine, just a little cranky, but the nurse REALLY wanted her to start nursing. So, she pushed me to do a lot of things I really didn't want to. Some of those things, I was able to really stand up and stop, but the fight itself was exhausting. First, she wanted to put sugar water on my breast to entice Anna to nurse. If this had worked really well, I wouldn't have argued. However, it didn't do much other than give Anna a taste for sugar (and make her crankier). Then she told me to just force Anna's head onto my breast and hold it there until she latched. Again, if this had worked, I wouldn't have argued. However, it really stressed Anna out and it made me want to cry. I asked for a pump because I decided if worse came to worse, I'd give her a bottle (I didn't want to, but she had to eat somehow). The nurse said I should give her formula, it would be fine. This was an absolute deal breaker. No! I asked the nurse if she thought Anna should be suctioned again. She seemed to have a lot of fluid still left. The nurse said she was fine. Five hours later, when the lactation consultant came back, the first thing she did was suction her (and she latched just fine). The nurse was well-intentioned, but she was overzealous and very stressful. I feel that one night, really set us back.
Fast forward two days. Anna had her first pediatric appointment. Hans and I had been up ALL NIGHT LONG trying to get her to nurse. I was to the point of tears. I wanted her to nurse so badly, and she was hungry, but she just wouldn't latch. The pediatrician came in and asked if she'd eaten yet. I said no, but it was almost time for a feeding. He told me to go ahead and nurse her, and he'd be back in a few minutes. I tried to explain my difficulty feeding her, but he just said to take my time and let him know when I was ready. Thirty minutes later, I was still trying to get her to eat. I did finally get her to latch, and she ate just long enough to be slightly contented, but it was a horrible experience. Upon leaving the pediatrician we were told that if she didn't start gaining weight, she'd have to be readmitted to the hospital. I immediately called the local lactation center (to see my 5th lactation consultant since Anna's birth).
When I got home, I said, "F*** it!" I couldn't go through the pain of breastfeeding anymore. I needed a break. So, I pulled out the pump, and I decided to bottle feed until we saw the consultant the next day. This was probably the best decision I could have made. It took a lot of stress off of me, and Anna was much calmer after she ate. The following morning, before heading to the lactation center (a place I like to call Heaven on Earth), I decided to try breast feeding again. I pumped first, fed Anna a good bit of food to keep her calm, and then positioned her near my breast. It was almost instant success. Victory!!!!
The lactation consultant really just said I was doing everything right. She gave me a few good tips, and even told me that until we really get the hang of it, I should pump for a few minutes before nursing to stimulate the milk. We finally had a rhythm. Sure, I had to take my pump with me if I went anywhere, and I had to be near an outlet if I wanted to feed Anna, but we had a routine, and Anna was eating. She gained 2 ounces in 24 hours. VICTORY!!!
After 48 hours of this, Anna really started to get the hang of things. All of a sudden, I didn't really need to pump any more (other than to build up milk stores). But there are other challenges. It's still extremely difficult for me to breastfeed in public. I've done this successfully one time, and I'm pretty sure that was shear luck. I've heard this is normal, and it can sometimes take months to get used to, but goodness! It would be so much easier if our culture was different and I didn't feel so exposed when breastfeeding. Even with a cover I feel awkward. Plus, there are still days when Anna just seems to struggle with latching. It's not as bad as before, but it's horribly frustrating. Oh, and I'm learning to not compare myself to others. I don't feel my milk "let down." I want to, I try to, but I got nothin'. This is very frustrating when other mothers talk about the sensation and how it really helped them to learn how to feed. ARGH!
All in all, I really just want other people, particularly other mothers to know, that it's not easy. Honestly, it's been one of the most emotionally taxing things I've ever done. I love it, and I won't stop any time soon, but I really wish it was easier. Who knows, maybe it will be some day. :)
Thursday, June 19, 2014
Friday, June 6, 2014
A C-Section: It's Not That Bad
When I first found out I was pregnant, I started to think about how I wanted the birth to go. OK, well I had actually decided how I wanted my birth to go when I was 5, but that's beside the point. I knew I wanted pain meds, and I didn't want to be induced, and I'd really prefer to not have a c-section. As we went through pregnancy, that changed a little. I decided I wanted to try without medication. I definitely did not want to be induced, and I still didn't want a c-section.
So, when we learned Anna was breech and there was a high likely-hood that I'd need a c-section, I did everything I could think of to get her to flip. After a few weeks, however, I had to start looking at the reality of a c-section, and I had to wrap my head around it. I was lucky.
When I walked into the doctor's office last Friday, she told me we were going to do a c-section that day. Then, she immediately started to say, "Don't feel guilty. This is not anything you could control." I was able to cut her off and tell her that I didn't feel guilty. I knew I'd done everything I could to prevent a c-section, and this was just the way things would be. That made everything that followed a lot easier.
My c-sec was a bit different from many in that it was an emergency. I was one step away from needing general anesthesia and I was lucky to just have an epidural. That said, there are a few things that happen when your c-sec isn't planned. First, things move VERY fast. I went from one nurse setting up monitors to six nurses prepping me and Hans for surgery. Then there were more nurses and some doctors. It was a whirlwind. Not only that, but there's a certain order to things that changes when it's an emergency. The most noticeable change was that, in a non-emergency, they insert a catheter AFTER you receive numbing medications. Mine was inserted before. (Yes, they insert a catheter if you were unaware, and yes it hurts a lot).
The actual surgery is just weird. You can't take a deep breath because there's a giant, gaping whole in your stomach. The meds make you feel weird, and you're essentially paralyzed from the waist down. When you come into recovery, you feel weak and sick. Your blood pressure probably dropped at some point, and you may have vomited or possibly just dry heaved. Fun, right? After that, you have every pain medication you could ever want available to you.
I opted for Touradol (sp?) for inflammation and morphine for pain. I'm not big on meds, but I'm glad I took these. Sure I felt drunk from the morphine, but I truly feel the pain that first night would have been unbearable otherwise. After that, though, things weren't too bad.
I first got out of bed around 10:00 that night. It was painful, and I was shaky, but it felt good to move. By the following morning, I was able to get out of bed with just some assistance from Hans, and I was able to shower on my own (Hans was nearby in case I felt woozy). From that point on, my goal was to keep moving. If I stayed in bed, I'd stiffen and I'd swell. If I walked a couple of laps around the nurses station just a few times a day, I'd feel much better. So that's what I did. That first day I walked twice. On Sunday I walked a few more times and I walked down to the front of the hospital to get a little sunlight. By Monday, I was up and packing my bags to leave the hospital.
Now I'm a week out. I have to be careful not to overdo things, as I still wear out faster than usual. And I can still feel some incision pain from time to time (like when a dog jumps on me). And I'm still not allowed to lift heavy items (a rule I'm struggling to keep). But I'm also still walking. And I'm already back to driving. And I'm off all pain meds.
A c-section was not what I had planned. It was not the most fun thing I could do. However, I've experienced much worse. Oh, and if you're pregnant and lamenting a possible c-section, here are some fun things I got to avoid by having a c-sec:
- Pooping on the table
-Vaginal Tearing
-Broken tailbone (yes, that can happen during labor)
-Separated pelvis (that can happen)
- Pooping on the table (it bears repeating)
So, don't worry about a c-section. It could be so much worse.
So, when we learned Anna was breech and there was a high likely-hood that I'd need a c-section, I did everything I could think of to get her to flip. After a few weeks, however, I had to start looking at the reality of a c-section, and I had to wrap my head around it. I was lucky.
When I walked into the doctor's office last Friday, she told me we were going to do a c-section that day. Then, she immediately started to say, "Don't feel guilty. This is not anything you could control." I was able to cut her off and tell her that I didn't feel guilty. I knew I'd done everything I could to prevent a c-section, and this was just the way things would be. That made everything that followed a lot easier.
My c-sec was a bit different from many in that it was an emergency. I was one step away from needing general anesthesia and I was lucky to just have an epidural. That said, there are a few things that happen when your c-sec isn't planned. First, things move VERY fast. I went from one nurse setting up monitors to six nurses prepping me and Hans for surgery. Then there were more nurses and some doctors. It was a whirlwind. Not only that, but there's a certain order to things that changes when it's an emergency. The most noticeable change was that, in a non-emergency, they insert a catheter AFTER you receive numbing medications. Mine was inserted before. (Yes, they insert a catheter if you were unaware, and yes it hurts a lot).
The actual surgery is just weird. You can't take a deep breath because there's a giant, gaping whole in your stomach. The meds make you feel weird, and you're essentially paralyzed from the waist down. When you come into recovery, you feel weak and sick. Your blood pressure probably dropped at some point, and you may have vomited or possibly just dry heaved. Fun, right? After that, you have every pain medication you could ever want available to you.
I opted for Touradol (sp?) for inflammation and morphine for pain. I'm not big on meds, but I'm glad I took these. Sure I felt drunk from the morphine, but I truly feel the pain that first night would have been unbearable otherwise. After that, though, things weren't too bad.
I first got out of bed around 10:00 that night. It was painful, and I was shaky, but it felt good to move. By the following morning, I was able to get out of bed with just some assistance from Hans, and I was able to shower on my own (Hans was nearby in case I felt woozy). From that point on, my goal was to keep moving. If I stayed in bed, I'd stiffen and I'd swell. If I walked a couple of laps around the nurses station just a few times a day, I'd feel much better. So that's what I did. That first day I walked twice. On Sunday I walked a few more times and I walked down to the front of the hospital to get a little sunlight. By Monday, I was up and packing my bags to leave the hospital.
Now I'm a week out. I have to be careful not to overdo things, as I still wear out faster than usual. And I can still feel some incision pain from time to time (like when a dog jumps on me). And I'm still not allowed to lift heavy items (a rule I'm struggling to keep). But I'm also still walking. And I'm already back to driving. And I'm off all pain meds.
A c-section was not what I had planned. It was not the most fun thing I could do. However, I've experienced much worse. Oh, and if you're pregnant and lamenting a possible c-section, here are some fun things I got to avoid by having a c-sec:
- Pooping on the table
-Vaginal Tearing
-Broken tailbone (yes, that can happen during labor)
-Separated pelvis (that can happen)
- Pooping on the table (it bears repeating)
So, don't worry about a c-section. It could be so much worse.
Thursday, June 5, 2014
Happy Birthday, Anna!
Let me jump to the point of this post before I tell the story.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANNA ELEANOR!
Ok, now on to the point of this post.
Friday morning I woke up early for an early morning doctor's appointment. The first thing I thought was, "I don't feel well." My stomach felt upset, but I figured it would pass. I was nine months pregnant, and not feeling well kind of went with the territory. By the time I got out of the shower, however, I was starting to get a little concerned. I wasn't getting better. I was feeling worse. I ate some cereal for breakfast, but that seemed to make things significantly worse, and I started to get concerned. Was this the beginning of labor? Was it something else? I didn't think I was supposed to feel so sick at the start of labor, but I wasn't sure. Either way I was grateful for the early morning doctor's appointment.
When we got to the doctor's office, we first had to go to ultrasound to check amniotic fluid levels. I did note that her heart rate was a bit elevated at 163 bpm (she had been sitting at 130-140 bpm), but I figured that had a bit to do with how I was feeling, and I didn't think much of it.
After the ultrasound, we were sent to see our doctor. Our doctor greeted us by saying, "OK. So let me tell you about the little procedure we're going to do today." Now then, if you'll remember, we had the version scheduled for the 6th, so Hans and I both said, "Oh! Today? I thought we were going to try to flip her next week." Our doctor informed us that there was little to no amniotic fluid left. We we couldn't try to flip. We were going in for a c-section. OK, we were prepared for this possibility, so that was OK. I did also mention to the doctor how I was feeling. She asked if I thought it was labor pains, but I really wasn't sure (and looking back, I don't think it was), and she did an exam just to see. Nothing pointed to me being in labor, so we went on down to labor & delivery to prep for a noon c-section. This was at 9:15 a.m.
In L&D, the nurse hooked me up to a fetal heart rate monitor. The monitor was making some odd sounds (like popcorn popping), so she got new paddles. Still no change in the sounds. She asked a more senior nurse for help. The senior nurse couldn't get the sound to go away (something was wrong with the connection), but she was worried that it was reporting an incorrect fetal heart rate, so she asked the doctor to come in and listen with the stethoscope. I should also note that I was feeling significantly worse by this point. I could felt feverish, and I just wanted everyone to go away so I could curl up in a ball and sleep a bit before surgery.
The doctor came in to listen, and I heard the nurse say that the numbers she was getting couldn't be right. The doctor listened and said, "No. That seems right." Then she leaned to me and told me they were going to give me an IV to see if some hydration would help the heart rate. Otherwise they'd be moving up the surgery. I thought this was odd, because nothing indicated I was dehydrated. My urine was clear, and I'd been drinking a steady flow of water all week.
About 2 minutes after the doctor left, another nurse came in and said, "We're doing the surgery now. Anesthesia has been called. Did you get the IV in yet?" Apparently, the baby's heartrate was now fluctuating between 180 bpm and 200 bpm. She was in distress. In addition, my fever was starting to go up along with my blood pressure. Neither was at concerning levels, but along with everything else, it was best to do the surgery right away. The NICU was called.
Hans frantically started calling family to let them know what was happening. He didn't even have a chance to get the camera from the car (thank God for cell phones with cameras!). I was wheeled into the OR at 9:58. At 10:12, Anna Eleanor made her entrance into the world.
I don't know about you, but I think she's the most beautiful baby in the world. Of course, I'm a bit biased.
Hans and I are thrilled, although we're also very, very tired. I have a few future blog posts planned where I'll talk a bit more about c-section recovery, breast feeding, and new parenthood in general. In the mean time, Anna is sleeping, so I'm going to go take a nap! ;)
When we got to the doctor's office, we first had to go to ultrasound to check amniotic fluid levels. I did note that her heart rate was a bit elevated at 163 bpm (she had been sitting at 130-140 bpm), but I figured that had a bit to do with how I was feeling, and I didn't think much of it.
After the ultrasound, we were sent to see our doctor. Our doctor greeted us by saying, "OK. So let me tell you about the little procedure we're going to do today." Now then, if you'll remember, we had the version scheduled for the 6th, so Hans and I both said, "Oh! Today? I thought we were going to try to flip her next week." Our doctor informed us that there was little to no amniotic fluid left. We we couldn't try to flip. We were going in for a c-section. OK, we were prepared for this possibility, so that was OK. I did also mention to the doctor how I was feeling. She asked if I thought it was labor pains, but I really wasn't sure (and looking back, I don't think it was), and she did an exam just to see. Nothing pointed to me being in labor, so we went on down to labor & delivery to prep for a noon c-section. This was at 9:15 a.m.
In L&D, the nurse hooked me up to a fetal heart rate monitor. The monitor was making some odd sounds (like popcorn popping), so she got new paddles. Still no change in the sounds. She asked a more senior nurse for help. The senior nurse couldn't get the sound to go away (something was wrong with the connection), but she was worried that it was reporting an incorrect fetal heart rate, so she asked the doctor to come in and listen with the stethoscope. I should also note that I was feeling significantly worse by this point. I could felt feverish, and I just wanted everyone to go away so I could curl up in a ball and sleep a bit before surgery.
The doctor came in to listen, and I heard the nurse say that the numbers she was getting couldn't be right. The doctor listened and said, "No. That seems right." Then she leaned to me and told me they were going to give me an IV to see if some hydration would help the heart rate. Otherwise they'd be moving up the surgery. I thought this was odd, because nothing indicated I was dehydrated. My urine was clear, and I'd been drinking a steady flow of water all week.
About 2 minutes after the doctor left, another nurse came in and said, "We're doing the surgery now. Anesthesia has been called. Did you get the IV in yet?" Apparently, the baby's heartrate was now fluctuating between 180 bpm and 200 bpm. She was in distress. In addition, my fever was starting to go up along with my blood pressure. Neither was at concerning levels, but along with everything else, it was best to do the surgery right away. The NICU was called.
Hans frantically started calling family to let them know what was happening. He didn't even have a chance to get the camera from the car (thank God for cell phones with cameras!). I was wheeled into the OR at 9:58. At 10:12, Anna Eleanor made her entrance into the world.
Hans and I are thrilled, although we're also very, very tired. I have a few future blog posts planned where I'll talk a bit more about c-section recovery, breast feeding, and new parenthood in general. In the mean time, Anna is sleeping, so I'm going to go take a nap! ;)
Thursday, May 22, 2014
Doctor Update
It's been a stressful week in this household. Monday I had another doctor's appointment. I knew baby was still breech (disappointing), so that really didn't come as a surprise. What did come as a surprise, however, was how far I had progressed. Let me preface this next paragraph by saying that if you don't want numbers and technical terms, please skip ahead.
At my visit last week, Hans and I learned that I was about 0.5 cm dilated and about 30% effaced. A healthy amount, but nothing concerning. By Monday (so six days later) I was 3 cm dilated (and I'm not sure how far effaced I was). That's a lot of progress this early on and in such a short amount of time!
So, I was immediately admitted to Labor & Delivery for monitoring. They wanted to make sure I wasn't starting regular contractions. I told them I hadn't really felt anything, but it was completely possible that what I had thought was gas was actually something more serious. So, I was on monitors for 2 hours, and everything turned out fine, but I was put on modified bed rest as a precautionary measure. We also scheduled a follow-up appointment for this morning.
Of course, this meant I immediately went home and cleaned the rec room and nursery. Yay for being ready for baby! I think a part of me really went into panic mode. That was some fast progress that I hadn't even felt. What would happen if I suddenly went into labor? My hospital bag wasn't even packed! What if she didn't turn before I went into labor? This was serious! I called the chiropractor and the acupuncturist right away, and I even decided to book the prenatal massage that Hans had given me as a Mother's Day gift (amazing, by the way). Let me also add that me being stressed and not allowed to do any strenuous exercise is NOT a good thing. By last night I was so worked up about the appointment this morning that I ended up crying myself to sleep.
So, the results? Still no flipped baby. :( Other than that, though, things look great. I'm holding steady at 3 cm, although I'm now 60-70% effaced. My panic of going into labor at any moment has subsided, and I've been given clearance to swim! It's no run, but at least I can work out some of my anxiety. I was told to continue chiropractic care and acupuncture as it will at least help to keep me relaxed and loose. Oh, and we've scheduled a version. A version is where the doctor will attempt to manually turn the baby. If she doesn't turn on her own, then we're going to try to flip her on June 6th. Hopefully it doesn't come to that, but at least there's a plan.
Really, I'm starting to learn that some things are out of my hands. I've done absolutely everything right, from eating to exercise to hydration to medical care. I just have a very stubborn child (Oh goody!) who happens to be comfortable where she is. Of course, this doesn't mean I'm giving up. As I stated before, I'm still seeing the chiropractor and the acupuncturist. I'm also still doing inversions, and I'm trying one thing I hadn't before: sound therapy.
I have a theory that she just likes hearing my voice, and she's positioning herself as close to my voice as possible. So, I've grabbed some of my old Chamber Choir CDs, and I'm holding speakers up to my abdomen, where I'd like her head to be. Then, I'm making a point to stay perfectly quiet. I figure these CDs are lovely, and they have both my and Hans' voices on them. She obviously likes the music, because she's been moving a lot since I started playing them. Hopefully it's enough to get her to turn!
Wish me luck!
At my visit last week, Hans and I learned that I was about 0.5 cm dilated and about 30% effaced. A healthy amount, but nothing concerning. By Monday (so six days later) I was 3 cm dilated (and I'm not sure how far effaced I was). That's a lot of progress this early on and in such a short amount of time!
So, I was immediately admitted to Labor & Delivery for monitoring. They wanted to make sure I wasn't starting regular contractions. I told them I hadn't really felt anything, but it was completely possible that what I had thought was gas was actually something more serious. So, I was on monitors for 2 hours, and everything turned out fine, but I was put on modified bed rest as a precautionary measure. We also scheduled a follow-up appointment for this morning.
Of course, this meant I immediately went home and cleaned the rec room and nursery. Yay for being ready for baby! I think a part of me really went into panic mode. That was some fast progress that I hadn't even felt. What would happen if I suddenly went into labor? My hospital bag wasn't even packed! What if she didn't turn before I went into labor? This was serious! I called the chiropractor and the acupuncturist right away, and I even decided to book the prenatal massage that Hans had given me as a Mother's Day gift (amazing, by the way). Let me also add that me being stressed and not allowed to do any strenuous exercise is NOT a good thing. By last night I was so worked up about the appointment this morning that I ended up crying myself to sleep.
So, the results? Still no flipped baby. :( Other than that, though, things look great. I'm holding steady at 3 cm, although I'm now 60-70% effaced. My panic of going into labor at any moment has subsided, and I've been given clearance to swim! It's no run, but at least I can work out some of my anxiety. I was told to continue chiropractic care and acupuncture as it will at least help to keep me relaxed and loose. Oh, and we've scheduled a version. A version is where the doctor will attempt to manually turn the baby. If she doesn't turn on her own, then we're going to try to flip her on June 6th. Hopefully it doesn't come to that, but at least there's a plan.
Really, I'm starting to learn that some things are out of my hands. I've done absolutely everything right, from eating to exercise to hydration to medical care. I just have a very stubborn child (Oh goody!) who happens to be comfortable where she is. Of course, this doesn't mean I'm giving up. As I stated before, I'm still seeing the chiropractor and the acupuncturist. I'm also still doing inversions, and I'm trying one thing I hadn't before: sound therapy.
I have a theory that she just likes hearing my voice, and she's positioning herself as close to my voice as possible. So, I've grabbed some of my old Chamber Choir CDs, and I'm holding speakers up to my abdomen, where I'd like her head to be. Then, I'm making a point to stay perfectly quiet. I figure these CDs are lovely, and they have both my and Hans' voices on them. She obviously likes the music, because she's been moving a lot since I started playing them. Hopefully it's enough to get her to turn!
Wish me luck!
Friday, May 16, 2014
Trying To Spin A Baby
I am on a mission. I am going to flip this baby, so she's not breech. Based on her lack of willingness to move in the past, I've figured that this is not going to be an easy task, so I have a three part plan. It consists of:
1) Inversions at home.
2) Twice a week visits with the chiropractor until she flips.
3) Acupuncture and moxibustion.
If those don't work, I'll try sound and light therapy and having her manually flipped at the hospital. I know they all sound really weird, and possibly a bit like voodoo, but my doctor, my nurses, and my doula have said to give it a shot. Even other mothers have been recommending these treatments, so I'm confident that it will all work.
Anyway, yesterday I had a chiropractic appointment and my first session of acupuncture. I've been seeing the chiropractor regularly (even before I was preggers), so I'm not going to go into too much detail there. I will say, though, that I strongly recommend chiropractic care for everyone, but especially for expectant mothers. She did a round ligament release, which felt wonderful, adjusted my back, and showed me how to do an inversion. It was quite productive.
The acupuncture, however, was new. I will say, for the most part, it was fairly relaxing. I sat on a table with a lot of pillows while the acupuncturist put 8 small needles in me (two in my feet, 4 in my legs, and two in my hands). It didn't hurt at all. Then, he left me for 10 minutes to relax. The lights were out, soft music was playing, and I just spent some time meditating. After that, he came back to perform the first of 3 rounds of moxibustion.
Moxa is dried mugwort. In moxibustion, the acupuncturist will place the moxa on the side of each pinky toe. Then, he lights it. It's not a big flame, rather more like incense. He lets the moxa burn until it just touches my skin, and then he removes it. This feels quite a bit like someone putting the end of a cigarette on your skin. I wouldn't exactly call it pleasant, but it definitely could be much worse. It didn't leave any sort of burn mark, and it's not the worst thing to ever happen, but still.
He left me for another 10 minutes. This time, I fell fast asleep. I was very relaxed, and when he came back in the room I was a bit bleary eyed. He repeated the moxibustion again. He then left for another 10 minutes, and repeated the moxibustion one more time. After that, I was free to leave. The whole process took about an hour.
So, did it work? Well, there was definitely a lot of movement after all of that. To be specific, there was a lot of large movements. I wasn't just feeling kicks and jabs. I was feeling waves and stretches. I'm fairly certain, though, that she hasn't flipped yet. Apparently, this is not entirely unusual as the acupuncturist and the chiropractor both said that it could take a few sessions to see the exact result we want.
I have about a month to get her to flip, and I'm working hard at it. I trust that we'll be successful, but I wish she would just quit being so stubborn. I'd like to not have to worry about it. So, fingers are crossed and I'm just hoping for the best! If you have any tips, let me know!
1) Inversions at home.
2) Twice a week visits with the chiropractor until she flips.
3) Acupuncture and moxibustion.
If those don't work, I'll try sound and light therapy and having her manually flipped at the hospital. I know they all sound really weird, and possibly a bit like voodoo, but my doctor, my nurses, and my doula have said to give it a shot. Even other mothers have been recommending these treatments, so I'm confident that it will all work.
Anyway, yesterday I had a chiropractic appointment and my first session of acupuncture. I've been seeing the chiropractor regularly (even before I was preggers), so I'm not going to go into too much detail there. I will say, though, that I strongly recommend chiropractic care for everyone, but especially for expectant mothers. She did a round ligament release, which felt wonderful, adjusted my back, and showed me how to do an inversion. It was quite productive.
The acupuncture, however, was new. I will say, for the most part, it was fairly relaxing. I sat on a table with a lot of pillows while the acupuncturist put 8 small needles in me (two in my feet, 4 in my legs, and two in my hands). It didn't hurt at all. Then, he left me for 10 minutes to relax. The lights were out, soft music was playing, and I just spent some time meditating. After that, he came back to perform the first of 3 rounds of moxibustion.
Moxa is dried mugwort. In moxibustion, the acupuncturist will place the moxa on the side of each pinky toe. Then, he lights it. It's not a big flame, rather more like incense. He lets the moxa burn until it just touches my skin, and then he removes it. This feels quite a bit like someone putting the end of a cigarette on your skin. I wouldn't exactly call it pleasant, but it definitely could be much worse. It didn't leave any sort of burn mark, and it's not the worst thing to ever happen, but still.
He left me for another 10 minutes. This time, I fell fast asleep. I was very relaxed, and when he came back in the room I was a bit bleary eyed. He repeated the moxibustion again. He then left for another 10 minutes, and repeated the moxibustion one more time. After that, I was free to leave. The whole process took about an hour.
So, did it work? Well, there was definitely a lot of movement after all of that. To be specific, there was a lot of large movements. I wasn't just feeling kicks and jabs. I was feeling waves and stretches. I'm fairly certain, though, that she hasn't flipped yet. Apparently, this is not entirely unusual as the acupuncturist and the chiropractor both said that it could take a few sessions to see the exact result we want.
I have about a month to get her to flip, and I'm working hard at it. I trust that we'll be successful, but I wish she would just quit being so stubborn. I'd like to not have to worry about it. So, fingers are crossed and I'm just hoping for the best! If you have any tips, let me know!
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
A Not So Fun Appointment
Apparently I can't always win at pregnancy.
Last week, I had a fabulous appointment. All the numbers were great, and I was happy. Yes, I had (and still have) some body issues, but things looked good as far as pregnancy was concerned. Then there was this week.
BP: 112/72 (awesome!!)
Weight: Down 1 pound from last week (I'm attributing this to less eating out and less water weight)
Fetal Heart Rate: 141
So, by the numbers, things looked good. However, there was one number that had me a little concerned. At this point, I should be feeling the baby move about 5 times an hour. I definitely wasn't feeling that. It was more like 5 times a day. I wasn't really worried, but I mentioned to my nurse practitioner (NP). So, the NP ordered a stress test.
They hooked me up to a fetal heart rate monitor and gave me a button to push whenever I felt her move. With me lying there, concentrating only on her moving, I did feel a little bit, but the concern was that the movements weren't very big. Even the HR monitor reflected small movements. Now, let me take a moment to say that I'm fine with one test. When they sent me over to ultrasound for another test, I started to worry.
I knew that one concern was that the baby was breech, but there seemed to be other concerns that weren't being voiced. Let's just say I wasn't at my most relaxed state heading into ultrasound.
So, I was there on the table while the ultrasound tech looked at pictures (can I reiterate how horrible I am at deciphering ultrasounds?). The first thing we hear is, "Oh, your baby is breech." Oh goody for us! I figured that would be the end of the ultrasound, but then she kept moving the wand around, having me turn to one side, having me turn to the other side, asking me to cough. I wondered what she was looking for, and then at one point she said, "I'm trying to see your baby breathe." Well, that's one thing to make an expectant mother worry. Why couldn't they see her BREATHE? How often is she supposed to breathe? Was it just an angle thing, or was she simply not breathing? And then I heard the words that made my heart stop.
"I'm going to go talk to the doctor."
The tech left the room, and I immediately pulled out my phone to look at pictures of Cody and Lollie to help calm me down. Hans, I'm fairly certain, just stopped breathing.
I grew even more concerned when I learned that our NP had come over to ultrasound to have a little pow wow with the tech and the ultrasound doctor. Ummm, that can't be good. Our NP briefly came into the room to ask us a question about our stress test, but then she left again.
It was at least half an hour before the tech came back in, and she said "OK, let's try again." I hesitantly said, "Alright" and tried to take deep, calming breaths. She put the wand on my belly and then you could hear the relief in her voice. "There she is! See the breath? See the belly move? There. She's breathing!" Well, I was relieved, but I also was confused as to what the hell had just happened.
Our NP came back to chat with us a bit. Hans had hit the nail on the head when he'd mentioned that they were probably concerned that something was wrong with the cord. Not only had they been searching for her breath (which sometimes can take 30-45 minutes to see, a fact that would have been helpful to know), but they also ran a Doppler test. Was she getting enough blood from the cord?
Apparently everything came back A-OK, and now we just have to work on getting her to flip. Breech baby = C-section, so we want to change that.
So, this week, I'm not winning at pregnancy, but that's OK. I'm healthy, and she's healthy. That's all that really matters. I am wondering, though. Could I take my dogs with me to the next appointment? I think I'm going to need them for therapy!
Last week, I had a fabulous appointment. All the numbers were great, and I was happy. Yes, I had (and still have) some body issues, but things looked good as far as pregnancy was concerned. Then there was this week.
BP: 112/72 (awesome!!)
Weight: Down 1 pound from last week (I'm attributing this to less eating out and less water weight)
Fetal Heart Rate: 141
So, by the numbers, things looked good. However, there was one number that had me a little concerned. At this point, I should be feeling the baby move about 5 times an hour. I definitely wasn't feeling that. It was more like 5 times a day. I wasn't really worried, but I mentioned to my nurse practitioner (NP). So, the NP ordered a stress test.
They hooked me up to a fetal heart rate monitor and gave me a button to push whenever I felt her move. With me lying there, concentrating only on her moving, I did feel a little bit, but the concern was that the movements weren't very big. Even the HR monitor reflected small movements. Now, let me take a moment to say that I'm fine with one test. When they sent me over to ultrasound for another test, I started to worry.
I knew that one concern was that the baby was breech, but there seemed to be other concerns that weren't being voiced. Let's just say I wasn't at my most relaxed state heading into ultrasound.
So, I was there on the table while the ultrasound tech looked at pictures (can I reiterate how horrible I am at deciphering ultrasounds?). The first thing we hear is, "Oh, your baby is breech." Oh goody for us! I figured that would be the end of the ultrasound, but then she kept moving the wand around, having me turn to one side, having me turn to the other side, asking me to cough. I wondered what she was looking for, and then at one point she said, "I'm trying to see your baby breathe." Well, that's one thing to make an expectant mother worry. Why couldn't they see her BREATHE? How often is she supposed to breathe? Was it just an angle thing, or was she simply not breathing? And then I heard the words that made my heart stop.
"I'm going to go talk to the doctor."
The tech left the room, and I immediately pulled out my phone to look at pictures of Cody and Lollie to help calm me down. Hans, I'm fairly certain, just stopped breathing.
I grew even more concerned when I learned that our NP had come over to ultrasound to have a little pow wow with the tech and the ultrasound doctor. Ummm, that can't be good. Our NP briefly came into the room to ask us a question about our stress test, but then she left again.
It was at least half an hour before the tech came back in, and she said "OK, let's try again." I hesitantly said, "Alright" and tried to take deep, calming breaths. She put the wand on my belly and then you could hear the relief in her voice. "There she is! See the breath? See the belly move? There. She's breathing!" Well, I was relieved, but I also was confused as to what the hell had just happened.
Our NP came back to chat with us a bit. Hans had hit the nail on the head when he'd mentioned that they were probably concerned that something was wrong with the cord. Not only had they been searching for her breath (which sometimes can take 30-45 minutes to see, a fact that would have been helpful to know), but they also ran a Doppler test. Was she getting enough blood from the cord?
Apparently everything came back A-OK, and now we just have to work on getting her to flip. Breech baby = C-section, so we want to change that.
So, this week, I'm not winning at pregnancy, but that's OK. I'm healthy, and she's healthy. That's all that really matters. I am wondering, though. Could I take my dogs with me to the next appointment? I think I'm going to need them for therapy!
Thursday, May 8, 2014
More Body Issues
Before I get into the heart of this post, I wanted to share with everyone the results from my doctor's appointment yesterday.
Week: 34 1/2
Weight gain: 1 pound since my last appointment, 27 pounds for the whole pregnancy so far
Blood Pressure: 120 / 78
Swelling: Minimal
Fetal HR: 141 bpm
Overall: A++
I was officially told yesterday that, should I go into labor now, they wouldn't do much to try to stop it. Baby looks healthy, I'm healthy, and, while the baby might need some time in NICU should she decide to appear now, the chances of any major complications are minimal. That's pretty shocking! Anyway, a great report.
That, however, is not the heart of this post. The heart of this post is more about something that's been plaguing me since the beginning of this pregnancy. More than weight, it's body image.
I always thought that women who called themselves fat or grotesque or who felt like a cow while pregnant were being silly. I mean, there's a child in there! Everyone understands that. From a purely mental standpoint, I understand that.
The problem is, I've spent so long and so much time fighting a body like this. My belly is huge, walking leaves me winded, my hips are wider. Really, all the things I used to want to tweak when I looked in the mirror are the exact things that I feel are changing most now. Heck, I remember trying on clothes before I was pregnant and saying, "Ugh! No! This makes me look preggers." So, essentially, I'm not necessarily loving my current figure. Sure, there are moments when I see a round, basketball of a belly and smile. Yes, there are times when I feel simply kick-a** for being at the gym. However, in daily life, I can't help but think how frumpy and large I look.
Here's the thing, though. I know this is completely silly. Simply looking at my doctor's report from the other day I can see how silly these thoughts are. I'm obviously doing well health-wise. It's sometimes hard to remember all that, though. I am trying, but it's simply hard.
There is a bit of an upside to this, though. Mainly, this keeps me motivated. I want to stay active and eat healthy for myself and for the health of my baby, but I also simply want to look nice. I want to ensure that my hips only spread because of the baby, not because I was hungry and ate too much pizza. I'll push myself through a little bit of sciatic pain because I don't want to simply sit like a log and eat. Then, once I've worked out, once I've chosen watermelon over ice cream (or occasionally a fruit Popsicle over ice cream), I'll feel great about myself. Those are the moments I feel virtuous and pretty. Those are the moments I'm most likely to look in the mirror and see a strong, healthy woman-with-child staring back at me. And I'll smile...until the 110 lb Ironman triathlete walks past, fully nude and perfectly waxed. At that point, I simply think, "Well, damn."
So, I guess this post has two points. 1) To let anyone else who feels this way to know that she's not alone. 2) To find out how you deal with body image issues. Whether or not you're male or female, pregnant or not, we all have body issues. What do you do to make yourself feel a bit better?
Week: 34 1/2
Weight gain: 1 pound since my last appointment, 27 pounds for the whole pregnancy so far
Blood Pressure: 120 / 78
Swelling: Minimal
Fetal HR: 141 bpm
Overall: A++
I was officially told yesterday that, should I go into labor now, they wouldn't do much to try to stop it. Baby looks healthy, I'm healthy, and, while the baby might need some time in NICU should she decide to appear now, the chances of any major complications are minimal. That's pretty shocking! Anyway, a great report.
That, however, is not the heart of this post. The heart of this post is more about something that's been plaguing me since the beginning of this pregnancy. More than weight, it's body image.
I always thought that women who called themselves fat or grotesque or who felt like a cow while pregnant were being silly. I mean, there's a child in there! Everyone understands that. From a purely mental standpoint, I understand that.
The problem is, I've spent so long and so much time fighting a body like this. My belly is huge, walking leaves me winded, my hips are wider. Really, all the things I used to want to tweak when I looked in the mirror are the exact things that I feel are changing most now. Heck, I remember trying on clothes before I was pregnant and saying, "Ugh! No! This makes me look preggers." So, essentially, I'm not necessarily loving my current figure. Sure, there are moments when I see a round, basketball of a belly and smile. Yes, there are times when I feel simply kick-a** for being at the gym. However, in daily life, I can't help but think how frumpy and large I look.
Here's the thing, though. I know this is completely silly. Simply looking at my doctor's report from the other day I can see how silly these thoughts are. I'm obviously doing well health-wise. It's sometimes hard to remember all that, though. I am trying, but it's simply hard.
There is a bit of an upside to this, though. Mainly, this keeps me motivated. I want to stay active and eat healthy for myself and for the health of my baby, but I also simply want to look nice. I want to ensure that my hips only spread because of the baby, not because I was hungry and ate too much pizza. I'll push myself through a little bit of sciatic pain because I don't want to simply sit like a log and eat. Then, once I've worked out, once I've chosen watermelon over ice cream (or occasionally a fruit Popsicle over ice cream), I'll feel great about myself. Those are the moments I feel virtuous and pretty. Those are the moments I'm most likely to look in the mirror and see a strong, healthy woman-with-child staring back at me. And I'll smile...until the 110 lb Ironman triathlete walks past, fully nude and perfectly waxed. At that point, I simply think, "Well, damn."
So, I guess this post has two points. 1) To let anyone else who feels this way to know that she's not alone. 2) To find out how you deal with body image issues. Whether or not you're male or female, pregnant or not, we all have body issues. What do you do to make yourself feel a bit better?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)