Before I get into the heart of this post, I wanted to share with everyone the results from my doctor's appointment yesterday.
Week: 34 1/2
Weight gain: 1 pound since my last appointment, 27 pounds for the whole pregnancy so far
Blood Pressure: 120 / 78
Fetal HR: 141 bpm
I was officially told yesterday that, should I go into labor now, they wouldn't do much to try to stop it. Baby looks healthy, I'm healthy, and, while the baby might need some time in NICU should she decide to appear now, the chances of any major complications are minimal. That's pretty shocking! Anyway, a great report.
That, however, is not the heart of this post. The heart of this post is more about something that's been plaguing me since the beginning of this pregnancy. More than weight, it's body image.
I always thought that women who called themselves fat or grotesque or who felt like a cow while pregnant were being silly. I mean, there's a child in there! Everyone understands that. From a purely mental standpoint, I understand that.
The problem is, I've spent so long and so much time fighting a body like this. My belly is huge, walking leaves me winded, my hips are wider. Really, all the things I used to want to tweak when I looked in the mirror are the exact things that I feel are changing most now. Heck, I remember trying on clothes before I was pregnant and saying, "Ugh! No! This makes me look preggers." So, essentially, I'm not necessarily loving my current figure. Sure, there are moments when I see a round, basketball of a belly and smile. Yes, there are times when I feel simply kick-a** for being at the gym. However, in daily life, I can't help but think how frumpy and large I look.
Here's the thing, though. I know this is completely silly. Simply looking at my doctor's report from the other day I can see how silly these thoughts are. I'm obviously doing well health-wise. It's sometimes hard to remember all that, though. I am trying, but it's simply hard.
There is a bit of an upside to this, though. Mainly, this keeps me motivated. I want to stay active and eat healthy for myself and for the health of my baby, but I also simply want to look nice. I want to ensure that my hips only spread because of the baby, not because I was hungry and ate too much pizza. I'll push myself through a little bit of sciatic pain because I don't want to simply sit like a log and eat. Then, once I've worked out, once I've chosen watermelon over ice cream (or occasionally a fruit Popsicle over ice cream), I'll feel great about myself. Those are the moments I feel virtuous and pretty. Those are the moments I'm most likely to look in the mirror and see a strong, healthy woman-with-child staring back at me. And I'll smile...until the 110 lb Ironman triathlete walks past, fully nude and perfectly waxed. At that point, I simply think, "Well, damn."
So, I guess this post has two points. 1) To let anyone else who feels this way to know that she's not alone. 2) To find out how you deal with body image issues. Whether or not you're male or female, pregnant or not, we all have body issues. What do you do to make yourself feel a bit better?