This morning, I was cooling down after my 3 mile run, and I started thinking about my body and my image issues, and I had a realization.
At one point, when I was in college, I weighed over 200 pounds. I remember at the height of my weight, I had a conversation with my freshmen year RA. We were talking about the size of women in the fashion industry, and my RA commented how awful it was that, at a size 10-12, she would be considered a plus-size model. I remember exactly what I thought. Really?! She's plus size? She's so thin and pretty? If she's plus size, what does that make me? I then remember telling myself more than once that, if I could ever be her size, I'd be really happy, and my life would be different.
Well, here I am a size 10, and am I happy with how I look? Of course not! There for a while, when I first reached this size, I was thrilled. My confidence was soaring, and I had a great outlook on life. Now, it seems that I too-often forget all my accomplishments, I forget how much stronger I am now than I used to be, and I berate myself for being too "fat."
How depressing is that? I mean, I'm a girl who runs her own business, who's run a marathon, and who is ready and willing to run 10 miles on Saturday before most of the world is awake. I think I'm a friendly enough person, I have a great husband, and we live a fairly stable life. So, why am I stressing out over what the scale says?
So, now I have a goal...or should I say a few goals.
1) Quit worrying about the scale. Yes, I will still continue to weight myself, but mainly as a way to check hydration levels before and after a long run.
2) Nourish my body. I don't want to just say F*** it and eat ice cream all day. I want to eat foods that will fuel me through long runs and long days of work. I want foods that will satisfy my needs and make me feel good about myself instead of over-sugared and lazy.
3) Take time to appreciate the beauty I have. I have a lot to offer this world. Sure, I may not have a bikini body, but I still have plenty of good stuff to offer. I should appreciate that.
So, there you have it. I'm going to start feeling good about myself again!
In other news- I really wish I could create a clone of myself, as I'm really the only person who seems to know what I want and how I want it!