I've decided it's time to write a letter to my daughter. Some day, I hope she finds this, reads it, and allows it to let her know me better.
Dear Anna,
You're 23 weeks along now; almost 6 months. I can't believe it. It seems like just a moment ago you were simply a figment of my imagination, and yet now you're moving and apparently hearing and feeling my movements. How cool is that? Your dad felt you move for the first time the other night, and that was such a wonderful moment for him. He's been wanting to do that for a few weeks now. On your stronger kicks, I can see my belly move, and it's both amazing and weird. I keep joking that it's like that scene from Alien when the monster bursts from the man's stomach. You're trying to escape! :D
As cool and neat and wonderful as everything is, though, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared out of my mind as well. I'm scared of just about everything. How will I keep you safe? Will I be a good mom? Will I be able to keep up? Will I make you proud? Will I be able to keep myself from projecting my body image issues on to you (that's a big one)? What about finances? Will I be able to keep you comfortable?
And then I worry about things that will affect our relationship. How will you feel about dogs? Will you be a girly-girl or more tomboyish? Will you be popular or a bit more nerdy? If you end up wanting to go out and party, how will I relate?
I know I'm looking at years down the road, but those are my fears right now.
Still, I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am. I can't wait to spend afternoons taking you to the park, or the Children's Museum (Yay!), or on hikes. I can't wait to teach you how to ride a bike or swim or possibly even ride a horse. I can't wait for my dad to take you fishing for the first time or to teach you how to throw a basketball. I can't wait for a night to sing you to sleep, or, even better, to watch and listen to your father sing you to sleep.
I have so many hopes and goals for you, and I can't wait to see what you decide to do with your life. I'll be there to guide you, but know that your decisions are ultimately yours. I may not always agree with you, and I can guarantee we'll have plenty of disagreements (especially if you're at all like me), but know that I will always love you.
You're going to greet this world surrounded by people who love you. That's important for you to know, and I hope you are never given the chance to forget it. I love you. Your dad loves you. Your grandparents love you. Your aunts and uncles and cousins love you. Even if you end up being a little shit, we will still love you. We may yell at you, but we'll still love you. If we didn't love you, we wouldn't yell because we wouldn't care.
Please don't ever forget that.
Love,
Your Mom
xoxo
P.S. It is still very weird to me to use a term like "Dad" or "Father" and mean Hans. To me, it still means my dad!
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Friday, February 14, 2014
Hospital Business
Last night, after recommendations from a few friends, I watched the film "The Business of Being Born." It's produced by Ricki Lake, and it discusses the benefits of at-home child birth. It highlights many of the things that are wrong with the medical profession now a days, particularly in regards to women and labor, and it was quite thought provoking. It got me thinking about a few things.
I get it. The medical profession is a bit corrupt. I'm not saying doctors are corrupt (although I'm sure some are). I'm saying the whole system is a bit corrupt and dysfunctional. When it comes to labor, many doctors have never witnessed a home birth, and I actually think that's something that's lacking in their education. I want all doctors to have a well-rounded education that focuses a bit on natural care AND medical care, but maybe that's asking too much. That said, I don't think that a hospital birth, or a birth with medication is the end of the world. Nor do I think my bond with my child will be any less should I choose to use medication.
Do you want to know what my birth plan is? I have a three main rules:
1) I don't want to be induced...at all. I won't be induced for size issues or to speed up delivery. That said, my mom had to be induced when her water broke but she didn't start labor for 12 hours. I am open to change in the plan, but I want it to be truly necessary...not just elective.
2) Ease the pain as much as possible. I have nothing to prove. I've run 3 marathons (2 while preggers), and I'm training for another half marathon that I'll run while 7 months along. If I had anything to prove, that would prove it. Period. I don't have any desire to feel the "joy" of child birth. Heck, hit me on the head with a mallet if it helps.
3) Get the kid out safely. Things happen. I don't want a C-section, but if it happens, so be it. The more relaxed and flexible I am about things, the easier pregnancy and labor will be.
That's it. Some of you may love it, others may hate it, but that's my approach. My issue with movies (and people) like "The Business of Being Born" is that they try to make me feel guilty for that choice. I know that's not their intention, but how else should I take it when I'm told "The love you feel right after your child is born is so intense. An amazing amount of oxytocin is released into the system, and you're just not going to get that if drugs are inhibiting you."? Somehow, my choice to have a labor the way I think is best is no longer right. It's bad for me and for my baby.
You know what I say to that? Bullshit! Just as I cannot have any idea what you're experiencing without drugs, you cannot have any idea what I'm experiencing with drugs. You know the only difference I've seen between women who have labored without drugs and women who have labored with drugs? One seems a whole heck of a lot more tired than the other! Childbirth is a beautiful thing, no matter whether you're induced, have a c-section, have an epidural, do a water birth, or squat in a field. To say or even imply otherwise is simply cruel.
I was having a similar discussion with my neighbor who's had two children and received an epidural for each, and she said something that I think is great. When she went to the hospital she was feeling a bit guilty about her decision to use meds (Why should she feel guilty during such a great moment?), and one of the doctors said something brilliant. She said, "Honey, there is nothing NOT natural about what you're doing. If you went to the dentist for a root canal, would you do it without meds? No! Relieving yourself from the pain so you can simply experience the joy is perfectly natural." I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that sentiment. That's why you'll never hear me ask if you're having a "natural" child birth. I'll ask if you plan on using meds or what your birth plan is, but whatever your birth plan is, it's natural.
Well, I think I've written enough of a book here, and I appreciate you taking the time to read it. Just keep in mind that, no matter how you birth, whether it's c-section, induction, epidural, at home, or even surrogate, there is no need to feel guilty for your choice. Do you want to know why? Because in the end, you will have a beautiful baby whom you will love. When you look back on your experience, what's more important, the labor or the baby?
I get it. The medical profession is a bit corrupt. I'm not saying doctors are corrupt (although I'm sure some are). I'm saying the whole system is a bit corrupt and dysfunctional. When it comes to labor, many doctors have never witnessed a home birth, and I actually think that's something that's lacking in their education. I want all doctors to have a well-rounded education that focuses a bit on natural care AND medical care, but maybe that's asking too much. That said, I don't think that a hospital birth, or a birth with medication is the end of the world. Nor do I think my bond with my child will be any less should I choose to use medication.
Do you want to know what my birth plan is? I have a three main rules:
1) I don't want to be induced...at all. I won't be induced for size issues or to speed up delivery. That said, my mom had to be induced when her water broke but she didn't start labor for 12 hours. I am open to change in the plan, but I want it to be truly necessary...not just elective.
2) Ease the pain as much as possible. I have nothing to prove. I've run 3 marathons (2 while preggers), and I'm training for another half marathon that I'll run while 7 months along. If I had anything to prove, that would prove it. Period. I don't have any desire to feel the "joy" of child birth. Heck, hit me on the head with a mallet if it helps.
3) Get the kid out safely. Things happen. I don't want a C-section, but if it happens, so be it. The more relaxed and flexible I am about things, the easier pregnancy and labor will be.
That's it. Some of you may love it, others may hate it, but that's my approach. My issue with movies (and people) like "The Business of Being Born" is that they try to make me feel guilty for that choice. I know that's not their intention, but how else should I take it when I'm told "The love you feel right after your child is born is so intense. An amazing amount of oxytocin is released into the system, and you're just not going to get that if drugs are inhibiting you."? Somehow, my choice to have a labor the way I think is best is no longer right. It's bad for me and for my baby.
You know what I say to that? Bullshit! Just as I cannot have any idea what you're experiencing without drugs, you cannot have any idea what I'm experiencing with drugs. You know the only difference I've seen between women who have labored without drugs and women who have labored with drugs? One seems a whole heck of a lot more tired than the other! Childbirth is a beautiful thing, no matter whether you're induced, have a c-section, have an epidural, do a water birth, or squat in a field. To say or even imply otherwise is simply cruel.
I was having a similar discussion with my neighbor who's had two children and received an epidural for each, and she said something that I think is great. When she went to the hospital she was feeling a bit guilty about her decision to use meds (Why should she feel guilty during such a great moment?), and one of the doctors said something brilliant. She said, "Honey, there is nothing NOT natural about what you're doing. If you went to the dentist for a root canal, would you do it without meds? No! Relieving yourself from the pain so you can simply experience the joy is perfectly natural." I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that sentiment. That's why you'll never hear me ask if you're having a "natural" child birth. I'll ask if you plan on using meds or what your birth plan is, but whatever your birth plan is, it's natural.
Well, I think I've written enough of a book here, and I appreciate you taking the time to read it. Just keep in mind that, no matter how you birth, whether it's c-section, induction, epidural, at home, or even surrogate, there is no need to feel guilty for your choice. Do you want to know why? Because in the end, you will have a beautiful baby whom you will love. When you look back on your experience, what's more important, the labor or the baby?
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Feeling Strong
OK, I should probably start this post by letting you all know that I'm fighting off a bit of a head cold. It's mild, but it's annoying. Oh, and to all the people who have come into contact with me while knowingly sick: I hate you. You may be able to take copious amounts of medication, but I can't, and that's just not fair. OK, on to other things.
I've been feeling really good lately (minus the head cold). Last week, not so much. Last week I felt bloated and tired and icky and gross. I couldn't get comfortable, and I didn't want to do anything. I knew I needed a mental break more than a physical one, and all I really wanted was to take my dogs out for some time in the woods. Finally, after moping all week, I was able to get out for an hour. It wasn't much, but it felt great, and the dogs LOVED it.
Apparently that hour of spiritual rejuvenation kick started a chain reaction. I had to work on Saturday, but Sunday I stayed busy. I went for a 9 mile run, went to church, went to brunch, went to the museum, went for another hike (a little shorter this time), met Mom at Starbucks, did some shopping for the nursery, and ended the evening with a movie with Hans (I don't recommend Don Jon, by the way). I felt good at the end of the day...tired, but good. I did, however, worry about how I'd be the rest of the week.
Yesterday wasn't so great. I was obviously still recovering from the day before, but I took a nap when I could and went to bed early. This morning I was back to being active. I ran 4 miles, did some light cleaning at the house, went to work, and finished the day off with some prenatal yoga (which I'm loving). Admittedly, I'm taking things fairly easy at work and am only focusing on desk work, but I've been feeling great (again, minus the head cold).
My run this morning was surprisingly easy. I felt stronger today than I have in a while. At yoga, I was able to complete sequences without going into child's pose (which rarely happens). Maybe it's one last hurrah before my body collapses, but I'm loving it. I really hope I continue to feel this way for a while (yet again, minus the head cold).
Also, in case you can't tell, I'm in a bit of a bragging mood. I mean, how many other women can say they do all that at 22 weeks preggers? Maybe just the simple fact that I'm earning bragging rights is keeping me going. All I know is I can't wait to see how things progress.
Oh, and in case you're wondering about weight, weight gain is back on track. I'm closely monitoring, but so far things look good. All in all, it's been a good week!
I've been feeling really good lately (minus the head cold). Last week, not so much. Last week I felt bloated and tired and icky and gross. I couldn't get comfortable, and I didn't want to do anything. I knew I needed a mental break more than a physical one, and all I really wanted was to take my dogs out for some time in the woods. Finally, after moping all week, I was able to get out for an hour. It wasn't much, but it felt great, and the dogs LOVED it.
Apparently that hour of spiritual rejuvenation kick started a chain reaction. I had to work on Saturday, but Sunday I stayed busy. I went for a 9 mile run, went to church, went to brunch, went to the museum, went for another hike (a little shorter this time), met Mom at Starbucks, did some shopping for the nursery, and ended the evening with a movie with Hans (I don't recommend Don Jon, by the way). I felt good at the end of the day...tired, but good. I did, however, worry about how I'd be the rest of the week.
Yesterday wasn't so great. I was obviously still recovering from the day before, but I took a nap when I could and went to bed early. This morning I was back to being active. I ran 4 miles, did some light cleaning at the house, went to work, and finished the day off with some prenatal yoga (which I'm loving). Admittedly, I'm taking things fairly easy at work and am only focusing on desk work, but I've been feeling great (again, minus the head cold).
My run this morning was surprisingly easy. I felt stronger today than I have in a while. At yoga, I was able to complete sequences without going into child's pose (which rarely happens). Maybe it's one last hurrah before my body collapses, but I'm loving it. I really hope I continue to feel this way for a while (yet again, minus the head cold).
Also, in case you can't tell, I'm in a bit of a bragging mood. I mean, how many other women can say they do all that at 22 weeks preggers? Maybe just the simple fact that I'm earning bragging rights is keeping me going. All I know is I can't wait to see how things progress.
Oh, and in case you're wondering about weight, weight gain is back on track. I'm closely monitoring, but so far things look good. All in all, it's been a good week!
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
20 Week Ultrasound
I've been trying to find a time to write this post for almost a week now, but time has been limited. Finally, I decided to just stay up late to write something, which I'm sure I'll regret in the morning, but it's allowing me to feel accomplished tonight.
Hans and I had our 20 week ultrasound last week. I'm not going to tell you the results right away, though. I mean, I have to keep you interested in reading, right?
Let me start this story by declaring that Richmonders suck when it comes to snow. I LOVE Richmond. I don't know that I could fathom living anywhere else. It's where I was born and raised, and I could see me spending the rest of my life here. I'm very protective of Richmond. HOWEVER, when it comes to snow, we just can't cope...at all.
This was fun when it allowed me to get out of school, but it's not so much fun when I still have to work. It's also not so much fun when I have a 7:45 a.m. ultrasound scheduled that ends up getting cancelled due to weather when I still have to drive in to work early. Let's just say that I was in a very bad mood last Wednesday (the day my ultrasound was originally scheduled). I was not satisfied with rescheduling just a day later. I wanted to have that ultrasound NOW!
Come Thursday I was an excited ball of nerves. My 7:45 Wednesday appointment was now scheduled for 3:00 pm on Thursday (more than 24 hours later!!), and I could hardly take it. Hans joined me at the kennel, and I kept yelling at him to hurry up and let's go. Of course, once we got to the doctor's office we still had a 45 minute wait, but that's beside the point.
We went back to the ultrasound room, and we saw a hand and a foot, and we heard the heart beat. Then came the big reveal. Our baby is...
...very talented at lying face down. Apparently the technician couldn't get a good angle to determine the sex. Frustrating! So, we went off to see our doctor and check weight and other measurements. All looked good there, so we were sent back over to ultrasound to see if the baby had moved at all.
Well, no movement. NONE! Still snuggled up tight. Maybe this baby is trying to sleep for me! The technician pressed and poked and prodded, but no luck. So, I decided to take things into my own hands.
One of the benefits of having been a voice major is that I have a bit better control over my diaphragm than a good percentage of people. The tech was trying to get my baby to move by pushing from the outside. I figured what we really needed was a good shake up from the inside. So, I took a deep breath, did a few quick contractions of my abdominals, and THERE! We had a flipping baby.
Let's just say that SHE was not at all pleased with being woken up, and SHE promptly let me know it by issuing a swift kick to the bladder. Yay. SHE will be as stubborn as I am.
Hans and I celebrated by picking up a dozen cupcakes from our favorite cupcake shop (we had pre-ordered and then just called in the color icing that was needed) and doing a mini reveal at the kennel. The staff couldn't wait to find out.
Anyway, I suppose I should make things clear. I'm thrilled we're having a girl. I may hate pink, and I may dread all the girly, frilly, froo froo things to come, but I'm thrilled. Why am I thrilled? Because we're still having a happy, healthy baby. A baby girl. And she has a name, and we can stop calling her "baby" (although I still do). How exciting is that?!
Oh, and in case I forget to leave out my other children; Cody and Lollie and Mo and Stolte have been wonderful. They've been a bit more protective and a lot more cuddly, and I'm loving it. I'm trying to dedicate more time to them while still getting everything done, and I think they're appreciating that too. I think we're going to have a big, happy family!
Hans and I had our 20 week ultrasound last week. I'm not going to tell you the results right away, though. I mean, I have to keep you interested in reading, right?
Let me start this story by declaring that Richmonders suck when it comes to snow. I LOVE Richmond. I don't know that I could fathom living anywhere else. It's where I was born and raised, and I could see me spending the rest of my life here. I'm very protective of Richmond. HOWEVER, when it comes to snow, we just can't cope...at all.
This was fun when it allowed me to get out of school, but it's not so much fun when I still have to work. It's also not so much fun when I have a 7:45 a.m. ultrasound scheduled that ends up getting cancelled due to weather when I still have to drive in to work early. Let's just say that I was in a very bad mood last Wednesday (the day my ultrasound was originally scheduled). I was not satisfied with rescheduling just a day later. I wanted to have that ultrasound NOW!
Come Thursday I was an excited ball of nerves. My 7:45 Wednesday appointment was now scheduled for 3:00 pm on Thursday (more than 24 hours later!!), and I could hardly take it. Hans joined me at the kennel, and I kept yelling at him to hurry up and let's go. Of course, once we got to the doctor's office we still had a 45 minute wait, but that's beside the point.
We went back to the ultrasound room, and we saw a hand and a foot, and we heard the heart beat. Then came the big reveal. Our baby is...
...very talented at lying face down. Apparently the technician couldn't get a good angle to determine the sex. Frustrating! So, we went off to see our doctor and check weight and other measurements. All looked good there, so we were sent back over to ultrasound to see if the baby had moved at all.
Well, no movement. NONE! Still snuggled up tight. Maybe this baby is trying to sleep for me! The technician pressed and poked and prodded, but no luck. So, I decided to take things into my own hands.
One of the benefits of having been a voice major is that I have a bit better control over my diaphragm than a good percentage of people. The tech was trying to get my baby to move by pushing from the outside. I figured what we really needed was a good shake up from the inside. So, I took a deep breath, did a few quick contractions of my abdominals, and THERE! We had a flipping baby.
Let's just say that SHE was not at all pleased with being woken up, and SHE promptly let me know it by issuing a swift kick to the bladder. Yay. SHE will be as stubborn as I am.
Hans and I celebrated by picking up a dozen cupcakes from our favorite cupcake shop (we had pre-ordered and then just called in the color icing that was needed) and doing a mini reveal at the kennel. The staff couldn't wait to find out.
 |
| What a delicious way to spread the good news! |
Anyway, I suppose I should make things clear. I'm thrilled we're having a girl. I may hate pink, and I may dread all the girly, frilly, froo froo things to come, but I'm thrilled. Why am I thrilled? Because we're still having a happy, healthy baby. A baby girl. And she has a name, and we can stop calling her "baby" (although I still do). How exciting is that?!
Oh, and in case I forget to leave out my other children; Cody and Lollie and Mo and Stolte have been wonderful. They've been a bit more protective and a lot more cuddly, and I'm loving it. I'm trying to dedicate more time to them while still getting everything done, and I think they're appreciating that too. I think we're going to have a big, happy family!
Monday, January 20, 2014
Overcoming the Weekend
Hello all!
In case no one told you, while absolutely wonderful, pregnancy can also be a B**ch! It really isn't bad in most regards. I mean, I can handle the fact that my running endurance isn't the same, and I'm coping with seeing the numbers on the scale climb higher (when I'm gaining weight that is), but what I'm really having trouble with are stomach issues. I never know what is going to leave me feeling great or what will leave me feeling a bit, ummm, stopped up. Then there's cramping and a general feeling of ickiness.
From what I've been able to surmise so far, there are a few constants. When I eat lots of whole grains, fruits, and veggies, I'm OK (go figure), but the second I have anything a little over-processed I feel like crap (pun intended). Of course, I'm also finding that when I eat healthy foods I don't gain weight like I should. Plus, I sometimes enjoy not-so-healthy foods.
Anyway, I'm digressing from the original point in this post, which was not to complain or pout. I wanted to tell you about this weekend.
Well, earlier last week I signed up for the Shamrock Half Marathon in VA Beach, and Hans and I both signed up for the Monument Avenue 10k (I'm super-proud of Hans). Obviously, I'm not shooting for a PR here, but I do want to make sure I can still do some of the longer distances, so I've decided to do weekend long runs again. Anyway, on Friday I went out for an 8 mile "run" (there was a lot of walking too). It was wonderful! The weather was perfect I felt great, and the endorphin rush afterward was phenomenal. I was in such a good mood, and had burned so many calories, that I decided to join Hans for lunch at Qdoba. It was delicious, but after such a long run I was surprisingly still hungry. I tried to just let things digest and deal, but I knew I had a group dinner planned so I figured I'd be fine. BIG MISTAKE.
By the time dinner rolled around, I was hungry. And, of course, dinner consisted of pizza, brownies, and soda. And, of course, I had a little too much. And, of course, this left me feeling not so great. Fast forward to Saturday.
Saturday morning I felt OK. A little sluggish, but not horrible. I easily could have slept a lot more, but I was fine. I did notice, however, that I was hungrier than usual. By lunch time, I was ravenous, and I definitely ate more than I should have. And that's when I started to feel miserable. I was tired, my stomach hurt, and I just wanted to curl up under the covers. I figured a good night's rest would make things better, but on Sunday I still felt awful.
We went out to lunch like we usually do on Sunday, but the only thing that seemed at all appetizing (and that I could have) was a burger. After that I really felt awful. I felt so awful that I didn't have much for dinner (nothing sounded good), and I felt so awful that when I woke this morning I felt like I'd been hit by a truck. It was not good. I knew I needed to do two things. 1) I needed to start a mild detox. Cut all the crap, and get back to eating a little better. 2) I needed a good workout. While running is usually my preferred method of exercise, I needed something a little easier on the joints today. I felt like I'd been hit by a truck, so the thought of "pounding the pavement" just did not sound appealing. Lucky for me, Hans had recently gotten me a new swimsuit...one that will expand with my expanding belly. :) So, off to the gym I went.
It's amazing how much better I felt both during and after my workout. I was in a better mood, my stomach wasn't as upset, my bones and joints and muscles didn't ache as much. That swim was just what the doctor ordered. I would have liked to have gone longer, but I was forced out as the pool was closing for a class that was about to start. I even wished I had brought some other gym clothes so I could hop on a bike and continue the workout. Oh well! Maybe next time!
After my work out I went to the grocery store. Silly me hadn't really prepared properly for the hunger that follows a good swim workout when I'm pregnant! Other than the chocolate milk I bought (which was beyond amazing), I stuck to things I new would make me feel good: fruits, veggies, and some granola.
Then, later today, I was walking through a nearby neighborhood with a client. I was telling her all about this delicious cupcake shop that we were passing by, and I seriously thought about going in to get a few for myself and the staff. Heck, my client even offered to buy me one! I was quite close to saying yes, but then I realized one thing. It had been just a little over 12 hours since I'd had any real sugar in my system (I'm not counting the delicious chocolate milk as that was post-workout refueling). Did I really want / need a cupcake, or was my body just craving some more sugar? Yeah, I just wanted the sugar rush, and when I realized that, it was easy to walk away. It would have given me about 2 seconds of joy, and then I would have felt awful again.
So, today was about combating the hell I put my system through this weekend. Today was successful. And that, my friends, is what makes me happy.
In case no one told you, while absolutely wonderful, pregnancy can also be a B**ch! It really isn't bad in most regards. I mean, I can handle the fact that my running endurance isn't the same, and I'm coping with seeing the numbers on the scale climb higher (when I'm gaining weight that is), but what I'm really having trouble with are stomach issues. I never know what is going to leave me feeling great or what will leave me feeling a bit, ummm, stopped up. Then there's cramping and a general feeling of ickiness.
From what I've been able to surmise so far, there are a few constants. When I eat lots of whole grains, fruits, and veggies, I'm OK (go figure), but the second I have anything a little over-processed I feel like crap (pun intended). Of course, I'm also finding that when I eat healthy foods I don't gain weight like I should. Plus, I sometimes enjoy not-so-healthy foods.
Anyway, I'm digressing from the original point in this post, which was not to complain or pout. I wanted to tell you about this weekend.
Well, earlier last week I signed up for the Shamrock Half Marathon in VA Beach, and Hans and I both signed up for the Monument Avenue 10k (I'm super-proud of Hans). Obviously, I'm not shooting for a PR here, but I do want to make sure I can still do some of the longer distances, so I've decided to do weekend long runs again. Anyway, on Friday I went out for an 8 mile "run" (there was a lot of walking too). It was wonderful! The weather was perfect I felt great, and the endorphin rush afterward was phenomenal. I was in such a good mood, and had burned so many calories, that I decided to join Hans for lunch at Qdoba. It was delicious, but after such a long run I was surprisingly still hungry. I tried to just let things digest and deal, but I knew I had a group dinner planned so I figured I'd be fine. BIG MISTAKE.
By the time dinner rolled around, I was hungry. And, of course, dinner consisted of pizza, brownies, and soda. And, of course, I had a little too much. And, of course, this left me feeling not so great. Fast forward to Saturday.
Saturday morning I felt OK. A little sluggish, but not horrible. I easily could have slept a lot more, but I was fine. I did notice, however, that I was hungrier than usual. By lunch time, I was ravenous, and I definitely ate more than I should have. And that's when I started to feel miserable. I was tired, my stomach hurt, and I just wanted to curl up under the covers. I figured a good night's rest would make things better, but on Sunday I still felt awful.
We went out to lunch like we usually do on Sunday, but the only thing that seemed at all appetizing (and that I could have) was a burger. After that I really felt awful. I felt so awful that I didn't have much for dinner (nothing sounded good), and I felt so awful that when I woke this morning I felt like I'd been hit by a truck. It was not good. I knew I needed to do two things. 1) I needed to start a mild detox. Cut all the crap, and get back to eating a little better. 2) I needed a good workout. While running is usually my preferred method of exercise, I needed something a little easier on the joints today. I felt like I'd been hit by a truck, so the thought of "pounding the pavement" just did not sound appealing. Lucky for me, Hans had recently gotten me a new swimsuit...one that will expand with my expanding belly. :) So, off to the gym I went.
It's amazing how much better I felt both during and after my workout. I was in a better mood, my stomach wasn't as upset, my bones and joints and muscles didn't ache as much. That swim was just what the doctor ordered. I would have liked to have gone longer, but I was forced out as the pool was closing for a class that was about to start. I even wished I had brought some other gym clothes so I could hop on a bike and continue the workout. Oh well! Maybe next time!
After my work out I went to the grocery store. Silly me hadn't really prepared properly for the hunger that follows a good swim workout when I'm pregnant! Other than the chocolate milk I bought (which was beyond amazing), I stuck to things I new would make me feel good: fruits, veggies, and some granola.
Then, later today, I was walking through a nearby neighborhood with a client. I was telling her all about this delicious cupcake shop that we were passing by, and I seriously thought about going in to get a few for myself and the staff. Heck, my client even offered to buy me one! I was quite close to saying yes, but then I realized one thing. It had been just a little over 12 hours since I'd had any real sugar in my system (I'm not counting the delicious chocolate milk as that was post-workout refueling). Did I really want / need a cupcake, or was my body just craving some more sugar? Yeah, I just wanted the sugar rush, and when I realized that, it was easy to walk away. It would have given me about 2 seconds of joy, and then I would have felt awful again.
So, today was about combating the hell I put my system through this weekend. Today was successful. And that, my friends, is what makes me happy.
Saturday, January 11, 2014
More Weighty Issues
Well, I was right. The doctor scolded me for not gaining enough weight. So, I made a good day of it. After the doctor's, I called my mom and we went out to Starbucks for some hot chocolate, and I treated myself to a cheese danish. I would have preferred yogurt and fruit, but all they had was Greek yogurt, and I'm really not a fan. Then, we went window shopping a bit, and by the time we were done it was time for lunch. It didn't take long for us to decide on Chipotle. I mean, really, what's better for weight gain?
The problem is, I'm just really not that hungry. So, if I want more calories, I often need to make them empty calories. Then, I feel sick (don't even get me started on how I felt after eating two donuts in a day). Honestly, I never thought I'd ever have an issue with gaining weight.
Like I said in my last post, though, my other fear is gaining way too much weight. Ideally, I'll only gain 25-30 pounds throughout the pregnancy, but I've heard (and seen) way too many horror stories of people gaining 60+ pounds, and then having an extraordinary time trying to lose the weight. I have a hard enough time losing weight without dealing with a baby, I really don't want to have to fight off extra weight gain.
So, I'm stuck with a conundrum. How do I gain weight without eating foods that make me sick? Apparently just eating extra fruits and veggies hasn't been cutting it, and I really don't want to force myself into the habit of eating tons of sugar or super-large meals.
Lots of people have told me not to worry about it. They tell me I'll be fine, and that I'll gain plenty of weight in the last trimester, but I'm a worrier. It's what I do, so I'm going to continue to worry a little bit.
I guess this post doesn't really have a resolution. I just wanted to air out some of my feelings. What are your thoughts?
The problem is, I'm just really not that hungry. So, if I want more calories, I often need to make them empty calories. Then, I feel sick (don't even get me started on how I felt after eating two donuts in a day). Honestly, I never thought I'd ever have an issue with gaining weight.
Like I said in my last post, though, my other fear is gaining way too much weight. Ideally, I'll only gain 25-30 pounds throughout the pregnancy, but I've heard (and seen) way too many horror stories of people gaining 60+ pounds, and then having an extraordinary time trying to lose the weight. I have a hard enough time losing weight without dealing with a baby, I really don't want to have to fight off extra weight gain.
So, I'm stuck with a conundrum. How do I gain weight without eating foods that make me sick? Apparently just eating extra fruits and veggies hasn't been cutting it, and I really don't want to force myself into the habit of eating tons of sugar or super-large meals.
Lots of people have told me not to worry about it. They tell me I'll be fine, and that I'll gain plenty of weight in the last trimester, but I'm a worrier. It's what I do, so I'm going to continue to worry a little bit.
I guess this post doesn't really have a resolution. I just wanted to air out some of my feelings. What are your thoughts?
Sunday, January 5, 2014
Way Overdue
Wow! I am WAY overdue for a post. I also feel awful that my last post was a long rant. Oh well! Life has been beyond crazy lately, and if I'm not working or running I'm generally sleeping. Things are starting to wind down a little now that the Christmas season has passed, and life is starting to return back to normal. So, for this first post back after a month-long hiatus, I suppose I have some filling in to do.
Well, honestly, life hasn't been super exciting. Thanksgiving kicked off the busy season at the kennel, and Hans and I have been so pleased with how well things are going. The only issue is that, until we hire some more people, we're also working a lot more. Hans has done a wonderful job of taking up my slack (I can't believe how much faster I wear out now), but he's starting to wear down too. So, we are looking at hiring some new people. I'd really love to get to the point where I only have to work part time and Hans can come in only as absolutely needed. As it is, I made a point this month of making sure we always have at least 1 day off a week. We need that time together.
Things in Baby-land are progressing nicely. The biggest issue I've had is putting on weight. I was starting to do well, but then I caught the flu and dropped 5 pounds in 2 days. I'm now 1.5 pounds UNDER my starting weight, and I'm worried the doctor will scold me for not taking it easy enough. Of course, the alternative would be putting on TOO MUCH weight, and I certainly wouldn't want that to happen. I'm really just trying to make healthy decisions while occasionally throwing in a high calorie option every now and then (like the cheese steak I ate tonight). I am still running, although my time has slowed considerably. I just get winded so easily now!
Hans and I are starting to really focus on preparing the nursery. I have big ideas for it, and I really just need to get in there and play with the space. I have the feeling we'll be making a trip or two to Ikea here soon.
In other big purchases news, we did do something yesterday to really focus on preparing for a family. We bought a new car!! Hans and I both LOVE our Prius, and it's been a wonderful car for the past 7 years, but on our last trip to MN it became startlingly obvious that we would never be able to fit 2 dogs, 2 adults, and a baby in it. And that's without even considering the times we've also transported the cats, other dogs, or even other people. We needed something larger...preferably something with three rows of seats. So, started looking around.
We'd been looking at the Toyota Highlander or the Toyota Sienna, but after asking other families and reading consumer reports, we finally opted for the Honda Odyssey. I completely love it. It's large enough for everyone and everything, and it's completely luxurious. I'm starting to feel a bit like a soccer mom!
In Dog-land, Cody and Lollie are doing quite well. I think they both thoroughly enjoyed a little break after Christmas, followed by three days of lying in bed with me while I recovered from my flu bug. They were wonderful care takers, and I could not have asked for more. Cody, who had been nursing a pulled groin, seems to be doing much better, and I'm starting to take him out on longer walks and even some slow runs with me. He hates getting up early enough to go out, but he's always so happy afterward, so I know I'm doing the right thing. Lollie continues to slowly warm up to Hans, but had a bit of a set back after snuggling with me for three days. It's all about Mom now, and I'm kind of OK with that. At least she's starting to get comfortable enough to play with him now. She did have a bit of an allergic outbreak this month, and its hesitancy to completely calm down has caused me to schedule another vet appointment. Ah, my poor special-needs child!
Well, that's about it for now. I hope all is well out in blog land!
Well, honestly, life hasn't been super exciting. Thanksgiving kicked off the busy season at the kennel, and Hans and I have been so pleased with how well things are going. The only issue is that, until we hire some more people, we're also working a lot more. Hans has done a wonderful job of taking up my slack (I can't believe how much faster I wear out now), but he's starting to wear down too. So, we are looking at hiring some new people. I'd really love to get to the point where I only have to work part time and Hans can come in only as absolutely needed. As it is, I made a point this month of making sure we always have at least 1 day off a week. We need that time together.
Things in Baby-land are progressing nicely. The biggest issue I've had is putting on weight. I was starting to do well, but then I caught the flu and dropped 5 pounds in 2 days. I'm now 1.5 pounds UNDER my starting weight, and I'm worried the doctor will scold me for not taking it easy enough. Of course, the alternative would be putting on TOO MUCH weight, and I certainly wouldn't want that to happen. I'm really just trying to make healthy decisions while occasionally throwing in a high calorie option every now and then (like the cheese steak I ate tonight). I am still running, although my time has slowed considerably. I just get winded so easily now!
Hans and I are starting to really focus on preparing the nursery. I have big ideas for it, and I really just need to get in there and play with the space. I have the feeling we'll be making a trip or two to Ikea here soon.
In other big purchases news, we did do something yesterday to really focus on preparing for a family. We bought a new car!! Hans and I both LOVE our Prius, and it's been a wonderful car for the past 7 years, but on our last trip to MN it became startlingly obvious that we would never be able to fit 2 dogs, 2 adults, and a baby in it. And that's without even considering the times we've also transported the cats, other dogs, or even other people. We needed something larger...preferably something with three rows of seats. So, started looking around.
We'd been looking at the Toyota Highlander or the Toyota Sienna, but after asking other families and reading consumer reports, we finally opted for the Honda Odyssey. I completely love it. It's large enough for everyone and everything, and it's completely luxurious. I'm starting to feel a bit like a soccer mom!
 |
| Ours is Celestial Blue. On my screen, though, this photo is showing up as more of a grey / silver. |
Well, that's about it for now. I hope all is well out in blog land!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)