My 30th birthday was two days ago. A year ago today, Mom got CT results back saying all tumors were gone. Facebook from a year ago is full of so much joy and celebration. A few people have asked me how my birthday was and how I've been holding up through all of this, so I wanted to share with you how things have been.
Tuesday morning was kind of awful. I woke up early for my usual run, and I was exhausted. Allergies were working hard on me, and I'd gone to bed a little late the night before. Plus, I think I was just still physically exhausted from all the activities of the morning. Still, I was looking forward to starting my day with a run...an activity that makes me feel good about me and that gives me some social time with some much-loved running buddies. Well, before I even left the house one of my running buddies bailed. I was a little bummed, but oh well. Stuff happens. I grabbed my fuel belt and headed out the door.
I got to our usual meet up and was right on time (a rarity for me). I scrolled through Facebook as I waited for my other friend. About 5 minutes later, I got a text from him saying he'd just woken up and apologizing because he wouldn't be able to make it. I had two options: Go home or run by myself. Part of me feels I should have run anyway, but at 5:15 am with no one to run with and no dog I decided to just go home. I was in the shower before the flood of emotion hit.
Here's the thing. I wasn't mad or upset with my running friends at all. It's early in the morning. It happens. I've done the exact same thing to them on a few occasions. On plenty of other mornings I would have relished the opportunity to skip a run. This morning, though, it simply sucked. I was disappointed and I didn't have Mom, and I just broke down sobbing. By the way, have you ever tried to shave your legs through a sob? It's difficult.
I kind of pulled it together for breakfast with Anna, but I definitely put the burden of the morning on Hans. He got Anna bathed and dressed, he fixed breakfast, and he kept her occupied while I just sat on the couch fighting back tears. When we went into Anna's playroom I lost it again. I just laid on the floor and cried, which of course set Anna off, and poor Hans had to deal with both of us. He finally managed to get us both in the car and we left to take Anna to daycare.
Lucky for me, I have an amazing husband. Hans had decided to take the day off work, so he could be with me. I decided that, as much as I love having all 3 of us together, I still wanted to take Anna to daycare, and I wanted the two of us to see a movie. This was definitely the right call. We hadn't seen a movie together since Les Miserables was in theaters, and it was wonderful to just be able to do something different. After the movie, we had a few errands to run, we had to pick up Anna, and then I had to be back at the kennel for an appointment with an acupuncturist (for the dogs, and yes it works).
When I walked in, I was greeted by the staff...more staff than usual. The led me into the training room and presented me with cupcakes from my favorite shop, a card signed by everyone, and pierogies (yummm). It wasn't huge, but it was such a wonderful gesture. Hans made certain to tell me it was completely their idea, and he had nothing to do with it, and I am just so touched. Seriously, it meant more than I think they'll ever know.
While at the kennel I was greeted by a few clients who wished me a happy birthday. Some of my longer clients asked how I was doing. One brought me a piece of pumpkin cheesecake from Barnes & Noble and a scarf he knitted himself. One client happened to comment how much healthier I looked lately. She said had been really worried about me the past year with everything with Mom, but I really looked good now. It was nice being at the kennel.
After my appointment, I went home where I was greeted by Dad, Cindy, my best friend, Jess, Hans, and Anna. We enjoyed a lovely fondue dinner that Hans made; a meal I fear we don't have nearly often enough, followed by cake and ice cream. Anna went to bed easily and on time, and I enjoyed a lovely evening.
So, to sum up, while the morning started terribly, the day turned around well enough. I was tired most of the day from all my crying, and I had entirely too much candy at the movie, but I felt well-loved and happy. My birthday ended up being a pretty great day.