Missing a Gene

I know I've mentioned this somewhere before, but I feel it needs mentioning again.  I am missing a gene.  I know I am.  It's the gene I call, "The fashion gene."  This missing gene also affects any design ability.  I'm terrible at choosing furniture and colors and clothes.  I'm as happy covered in dog hair and dirt as most people are dressed up with fancy shoes.

Take, for instance, this recent picture of Natalie Portman:

Most people I know who have commented on this dress said it was hideous.  They blasted the rose, they said she made pregnancy look awful, and they even reconsidered seeing her newest movie because of this dress.  My reaction?  What's wrong with it?

Sure, I might choose a different color (I'm not huge fan of pale pink), and they could have done more with the rose, or they could have made it slightly smaller, but I don't hate the dress.  I've definitely seen worse in a dress, and I think it works on her.

Am I wrong in thinking this?  Is my style different or missing?  I'll let you decide on that one.  Until then, I'm going to try to perfect the style I do have.  Wish me luck!

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things

In case of bad days, and in case I forget, these are a few of my favorite things:

- Feeling Cody snuggle against me.

- The soft texture of Cody's fur after a grooming.

- Feeling and hearing the slight twitches while Cody sleeps.

- Having an extra minute with Hans.

- Watching the buds form as weather gets warmer.

- Hearing the crackle of a warm fire.

- Watching a dragon fly land on a fishing pole.

- A stroll though the park.

- Watching snow fall fresh on the ground.

- A big cuddle session with Hans and Cody, especially if the cats get involved too.

- Watching Merlin and Cody try to shove their noses out the window. (This one's new.)

There you have it.  I have a lot of other likes, but simply thinking of these things makes me smile.  What makes you smile?  What are some of your favorite things?

Feeling the Wind In My Hair

Well, I was right.  Today has been a much better day than yesterday.  My bad mood vanished with the bad weather.  Thank goodness, because yesterday was not a good day.  Anyway, today had many good surprises, including warmer weather and some surprise me-time.  Hooray!  The best part of all, though, was a simple car ride.

You see, Merlin had a vet appointment scheduled.  Merlin is the only dog in the house, other than Cody, who is allowed to ride in the car without the crate.  So, Merlin was happy in the car.  Normally, I would have left Cody at home, but I needed him for a later appointment, and I figured that Cody could always use a practice visit to the vet.  And, Cody was happy in the car.

After a few minutes in the car, though, Merlin started to get restless.  He kept trying to climb to the front, which would have been fine if he hadn't tried to squeeze between the window and the passenger seat.  To help him calm down I rolled the rear window down just a crack.  Then to make it fair, I rolled the front passenger window down for Cody as well.

If you don't crack up at the sight of of two dogs shoving their noses through the crack in a window then their is something wrong with you.

Don't you all wish we could live life that simply?  I for one would love to get that much pleasure from just having the window down.  Maybe if we lived like that, days like yesterday wouldn't happen as often as they do.  I'm just happy I can take so much pleasure from watching the dogs.  It's little things like that which make the world a better place.

One Of Those Days

Have you ever had one of THOSE days?   You know, one of those days where nothing seems to go right?  That sort of day where you're tired and cranky and emotionally spent?  Yeah, that sums up my day today.

I know the biggest cause is the weather.  The darker clouds caused me to sleep in this morning, making me late for everything else.  The colder weather means my body has to work harder to stay warm, which means I'm tired sooner.  The colder, darker weather also encourages me to crawl back into bed and sleep, and it's a grand injustice that I can't.  I'm just in a cranky mood, and I very much wish it would go away.  Somehow, the energy I had last week vanished, and I'm exhausted!

Personally, I wish there was a pause button.  There could be some wonderful button that you could push that would make time stop, if only for a few minutes, so you could catch up.  You could have some you-time.  When I was younger and working in less-enjoyable jobs, my pause button was called "a potty break."  I would go into a stall, put my elbows on my knees, and my head in my hands and just breathe.  I would roll my neck, stretch my legs, and read the writing on the walls.  This was my me-time. 

Now, that I'm running my own business, me-time is less and less.  And very rarely does a potty break constitute as me-time, what with dogs and cats wanting to follow in for cuddles (silly guys!).  Occasionally, I'll have that brief, wonderful space of time between two appointments when I can sit in the car and do something for myself.  Sometimes that means reading, other times napping.  In the summer, if Cody's with me, that often means going for a walk.  Oh, how I love those times.

Today, though, is not a day that allows those times.  Save for this post, my day has been go-go-go.  While this is quite a good thing, I still want to complain just a little.  I want to stamp my feet, fall to the ground and scream while someone else looks at me and says, "Somebody's tired.  Let's get you to bed."  Then I would go kicking and screaming until my head hit the pillow and I would sleep.  (In case you didn't get that, I want to be five and let someone else do all the work). 

I know this day will pass, and tomorrow, while busier, will probably be better (one can only hope).  If tomorrow's not better, Thursday will be.  I just keep telling myself, "This too shall pass."  That's what gets me through the tough days.  What do you do?  How do you get your me-time?  What do you do on days where there's no me-time to be found?  Hopefully, you can see as well that this too shall pass.

Self-Confidence

Most people who know me would describe me as being very confident.  Even some of my closest friends have commented on how they wish they had my confidence.  I have a secret, though.  It's all fake.  Confidence has never been my strong point.  I have always been the shy one.  The thing is, though, sometimes I can fake it.  If my friends are involved in any way (with me, supporting me, encouraging me) I can fake confidence.  For the business, I can fake it.  Actually, with most dogs I'm not faking at all.  I'm very confident around the dogs.  They put me at ease.  It's the people who make me nervous.

Over the years, there are several experiences that I've missed out on due to my lack of confidence.  I never joined my high school lacrosse team (even though it was new, and there weren't try-outs, just acceptances) because I was afraid of looking stupid.  I have a lot of trouble making new friends because I'm nervous about making a fool of myself.  I remember one time I was in training for cafe manager at school.  We had to meet with Life Safety and learn fire safety, and part of that lesson was using a fire extinguisher and putting out a real fire.  This was super-exciting for me.  Hopefully this would be the only time I'd have to do this...ever, but I was excited.  What did I do?  I just hid in the back, avoiding being called, simply because I was afraid I'd do something terribly wrong.  Lucky for me, every single person had to do it, and I had an opportunity to put out a fire (without looking like an idiot).

About three years ago I decided to change this.  I decided that I wanted to start taking risks.  I wanted to be confident, and I was going to make a concerted effort.  Things were going wonderfully.  I made the decision to go to dog training school, I took control of my life, and I was happy.

Unfortunately, it didn't take long for something to shake this new-found confidence.  As I graduated from school, and was ready to take on the world, I was not ready to take on losing a friend.  I wish I could say that she was lost in some dramatic way, that something had actually taken her from me, but such is not the case.  My friend, my best friend of seven years, a bridesmaid at my wedding, simply decided she no longer wanted to be my friend.  There was no explanation, no fight.  My best friend, the one who had promised me at my wedding to always be there for me whenever I needed, simply walked away from the friendship without a word.

How does one handle something like that?  For a while, I tried to convince myself that she had actually passed away.  Thinking of her as dead was easier than admitting that she could choose to not be my friend.  Still, though, I knew the truth.  Every day I was reminded of things we had done around town, and the wonderful memories we had, and I was reminded everyday that I wasn't good enough for my best friend to stay with.

It's been two years since my friend stopped being my friend, and I still tend to look at the memories, but somehow they don't hurt as much.  And as the memories hurt less, my confidence grows.  I am learning that whatever happened with my friend was not my fault, it was hers.  I don't know what happened, but I know that I should have been treated better.  I deserve to be treated better.  I am worth it.  Somehow, something has switched, and that little flicker of confidence I once felt is coming back.

I am grateful to everyone who has stood by me, be it for one year or for 25.  It is you who have taught me I am worth it.  It is because of you that I can stand up for myself.  It is because of you that I can ask for what I want.  It is because of you I can grow my business, take care of myself, and learn that I am worth it.  With your help, I am developing self-confidence.  Thank you.

Lil' Tidbits

I have lots of thoughts swimming around in my head, and none of them are really long enough for a proper blog post.  So, I figured I'd share them with you in little snippets.

*I love it when Cody is clipped short.  His hair is softer, and he stays cleaner.  To make things really great, he is a lot more cuddly when his hair is short.  This is probably due in part to the fact that he's slightly colder, but it's also because he's more comfortable.  Yay for the groomer!

*What is the big hype about Twitter?  I have a Twitter account, and I occasionally will make a tweet (when I'm trying to get into it), but really I don't see the point.  Can someone please explain it to me?  Possibly even give me a tutorial?

*Weather is getting slightly warmer.  This means that soon outdoor activities will resume.  Personally, I can't wait.  Soon, Cody will be able to go swimming.  Soon, bicycling and jogging outside will be an option.  Soon the flowers will be budding, and the birds will be singing.  Soon!

*I love the support and encouragment I find in friends and family.  Hans has been especially good.  Then again, he always is.

*Along those lines, I need to start scheduling time to make a few more snacks I can take with me.  I also need to find a few more recipes.  AND, it wouldn't hurt if I occasionally planned a menu.  Knowing what to eat in advance would go a long way right now.

*Again, along those lines, being a woman just isn't fair.  Men, in general, are allowed at least 300 calories more than women, and Hans gets many more than that.  If I had those 300 extra calories I would put them to good use.  Hans doesn't even want them!  NOT FAIR!!!!

*Taking down Christmas decorations isn't nearly as fun as putting them up.

Alright, those are some of the things going through my mind.  I have a few other things too, but they'll make longer posts in the near future.  I hope you're all having a wonderful time doing whatever your doing.

The Mushroom-Swiss Burger

Before I go on to the point of this blog, I have to ask, have they created a fat-transplant procedure yet?  I ask because yesterday I took Cody to be groomed.  I know it's cold, but he's so happy when he's not covered with hair, so we cut him short.  It always surprises me how thin he is.  Actually, in general, he tends to fill out during the summer and lose weight in the winter.  I'm pretty sure this is probably due to lack of exercise and an atrophying of muscles, but for now the point is that he looks very thin.  I'd be more than willing to donate some of the extra weight in my thighs to help him fill out.  So, again I ask, have they created a fat-transplant procedure yet?

Alright, on to the brunt of this post.

So, the past few weeks I've made a concerted effort to cut out all junk food / processed food from my diet.  I know from previous experience that if I can avoid the junk for a long enough time, that when I do eat junk food it won't be at all satisfying.  In fact, it may even be a bit sickening.

Well, last night we went out to dinner with a couple of friends.  I was really craving a burger, so I ordered the mushroom swiss burger.  I really didn't want fries with it though (that just sounded disgusting), so I had green beans on the side.  My plan was to only eat half of the burger, but for some reason I went ahead and had the whole thing.  I had forgotten how awful the sickly feeling of eating junk is.

It took less than half an hour for me to feel awful.  My stomach was upset, I was surprisingly tired, and I did not feel good.  When I got home, I immediatly went to bed.  I slept through the night, but this morning was not a good feeling.  The best way to describe how I felt would be a mild hangover.  My mouth was dry, my body ached, and I felt slightly naseous. 

I got up, downed a glass of water and hopped on my bike.  Every pedal felt like torture.  I'm really surprised that one burger could do that, but trust me, it's a feeling I won't soon forget.  That burger certainly wasn't worth how I felt afterward.  I highly doubt I'll be having another one any time soon.

Other than that, things have continued to go extraordinarily well.  I'm busy.  I'm happy.  I'm loving life.  I'll tell you now, that I have no intentions of turning this into a weight-loss / dieting blog, but right now that is a wonderful part of my life.  So, please excuse me as I share my joy and excitements.  Hopefully you'll take joy in them too.