This could be attributed to a few things. First I was simply tired. There has been a lot going on the past few weeks, and I was drained both physically and mentally. I was feeling overwhelmed by even small groups of people, so being around 100+ people was just too much. I just wanted to go home, curl up in a chair, and read (and in fact, this is what I did). Secondly, I wanted my alone run. Running is my meditation. I've posted before how much I love the time to just focus on me. I can focus on my breathing and the sound of my feet. I can push myself a little harder or back off a bit based on what my body is telling me. This past week, in my effort to meet more runners, I ran a couple of weekday runs with someone else. Basically, my last alone run was last Tuesday. I wanted, nay needed, to have my meditation run. I needed to have my alone time, my me time.
Yesterday's run left me wholly unsatisfied. I was OK with my pace and time, but it could have been better. I was frustrated that I hadn't been able to have my me time. I wanted to run some more. Yesterday, I was extremely close to throwing on my running clothes a second time and going out for another run. I napped and then had dinner with the neighbors instead (also pleasant activities).
This morning was a cross-training day. Hans and I usually meet a trainer at the park on Sundays, and today the plan was no different. What was different, however, was how much I wanted to run. I didn't want to drive there when it was only 4.25 miles away. I wanted to RUN! Actually, I really wanted to run with Cody, but since he's suffering from an ear infection that was not a possibility (he's getting better, though). So, after feeding the dogs and having a little food, I threw on my running clothes, kissed Hans goodbye, and went off. It was a beautiful morning for it. The air was cool, the sun was bright, and there was just enough of a breeze in the air to make you feel good. I ran 4.25 miles to my work-out. Then I proceeded to have my a** handed to me by a masochistic trainer (I'm still having trouble lifting my arms over my head). Hans drove me home (no way did I have enough energy to run back), I showered and I went to church.
The rest of the day went wonderfully. The good mood from my fantastic run carried me through the rest of the day. I chatted with other girls on the training team (not my group, but in the same program), I was less irritated my others' minor infractions, and I found a lot of things more humorous than I usually would have. I was eager and willing to meet new people, and I was happy.
After church, Hans, Dad, and I headed to the race track for Fathers' Day. It's something I haven't done since I was a little kid, and there were parts that were nerve-wracking. The crowds were huge and a bit overwhelming, but I found I wasn't overwhelmed. I didn't cling to Hans or Dad, and I didn't have any fears of being separated. I only got marginally upset when the horses I picked didn't win (I like to win), and I enjoyed a lovely day with my Dad (the World's Greatest) and my husband (future World's Greatest Dad). We rounded out the day with some tasty ice cream, and I was happy and content.
I think I'm starting to learn there are different sides to running. Sometimes I need running to be social. I need it to be a way to meet others and interact. Other times, though, I need running to be meditative. I need to take time to breathe and focus on me. I love the fact it can do both. Maybe soon I'll learn to understand what I need before I need it rather than after. Oh well! At least I'm happy today!
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| My dad and me...smiling and happy even though our horse just lost. |
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